Diet, Val, Bags and other Ish

Hi pipo!

So am getting better by the day on my diet thingi. breakfast today is lettuce (which i really really hate), carrot, tomatoes basically. i sprinkled some baked beans (just a few) and sweet corn so it wont taste so boring, otherwise, i'd throw up. Today i just feel like bread and very rich butter but so far, am winning over cravings. i shall be doing my progress result every now and then.

I've always wondered, why do we ladies clutter our handbags? some ladies (including myself sometimes) just fill it with things we dont really need or we'll never use but just throw it in there all the same. whats in ur bag this moment? are they all necessary? in my bag i have:

MAKE UP BAG: i only use the lip gloss and powder once in a while at work so i wonder why i still carry it around, maybe to feel like a girl?

JOURNAL: useful for taking notes in church basically or to read/write when i have to wait at some boring place which is like....once in a blue moon? but i still carry it around.

WALLET: but of cos! dont be decieved sha, except i have crisp notes, u wont find money in it, i keep money in purses in the bag.

NUTRI C: i've been carrying these 3 satchets for like 2 wks now, wont drink it, wont give it out and wont keep them elsewhere, i just forget!

SUNSHADES: essential in this Abuja's hot sun (or posing sha). i also have a black ink marker, pencil and biro - i need only the biro and wont remember the drop the rest. another small note book which is serving no purpose, mouth freshner, phones, hair ribbon, hand cream, orbit and baby wipes just finished. not too much junk eh?

So here's my val wish list, pls dont say i didnt give u enough notice, of cos the gifts dont have to reach on val day gan gan, u know. and feel free to pick more than one item:

PERFUME(S) - doesnt have to be one, preferably Elizabeth Arden, anything convinient

WRIST WATCH - I love swatch. Any nice wrist watch would do.

CHOCOLATES/CAKE - u r so not allowed to wave the diet card this moment, its val's day!!! nobody can be that mean! I'll resume to eating leaves right after that and will burn it off.

MYNE WHITMAN'S NOVEL - pls check her blog for details

JOURNAL - i need a nice bible/personal rant journal, preferably pink

SHOPAHOLIC SERIES - any of Sophie Kinsella's books, except "Shopaholic and Sister"

of course i would love shoes and dresses too but that would be too much trouble for u and i dont want to be a bother. am so considerate! or u could just send the money if u dont want to do all these wahala. just indicate ur choice in the comment sector.

lovely things not included in the list are also very welcome. operating word being "lovely"

PS:

uncle Agbaya just left my office, was in court and decided to come see me. he came to woe me some more and tell me what other ways that adultery will be beneficial. some people just no dey hear one time sha?!?!

he threatened subtly that now am posing, when he becomes "bigger boy" he will not have my time to which i replied "no problem and still, nothing for u now or later, Sir".

I just dey laff, na wa!

PS:

aint we just happy about the removal of the Attorney-General? its been long overdue and am excited about it. Guy should just resign if he has any intergrity but then, who said he has in the first place?

PSS:

thanx Myne et al that told me how to upload pictures, as u can see, i now know!

Thanx!

EVERYTHING I LOVE IS POISNOUS (PART 2)

I am still on this diet issue. After discovering that everything i love is poisnous, or so i thought, i found out more. Everything in the world is tendering towards poisnous.

I told u my boss is cute at 50 yeah? girl turned 50 january. she wore jeans on wednesday and she looked...fabulous! so we got talking about weight and she started telling me (again) the things i have to stop eating. she kukuma go bring me plenty formula of what to eat and what not. Of cos the things that are safe for me are extra-ordinarily booooooooooooring to put it mildly.

yesterday i ate some fruits and tomatoes for breakfast. ate some rice with veg for lunch- ok, quite bearable.
moins for dinner- not bad
today it was carrots, paw paw and water melon for breakfast - very very boring.
wheat bread for lunch which by the way is poisnous too, a bit. i've got moin moin already for tonight.
i'm to run away from all types of fizzy drinks. this is not so so hard, i hope.
run from all fried things - a bit hard but doable.
pls does nutri C count as bad too? The most difficult parts of my mornings are when i have to drink water, its just somehow jare.

then she did the ultimate, pulled out a list of common foods and their calories, i wanted to die!!!!
i have selected a few for u to see:

peanuts/cashew nuts - 20z 1/4 cup - 205
saltline crackers - 5 pieces - 60
ice cream - 1 cup - 150 (oh no!)
pound cke - 1 slice - 380 (whatever that is, its bad)
banana - 1 medium - 105
orange juice - 1 glass - 100
malt - 1 bottle - 250 (i'm never gonna taste that s*** again!)
tonic water/ginger ale - 1 bottle - 115
cocoa - 1 glass - 250 (Jeez, does milo count?)
custard with whole milk - 3/4 cup - 175
pap - 1 cup - 200
wheat cereal - 2 weetabix - 127
bournvita/milo - 1 tablespoon - 50 (thats a joke right?)
cornflakes - 1 cup - 123
boiled egg - 1 - 80
fried egg - 1 - 200
white bread/wheat bread - 1 slice - 65 (for real???)
boiled yam - 1 slice - 105
akara - 2 big balls - 610 (how come?)
beef (non fat) - 1 piece- 202
chicken - 1 piece - 165
boiled rice - 1 cup - 210
fried rice/jollof rice - 1 cup - 390
beans - 1 cup - 210
eba - 250gm- 320
amala - 250g - 282
semovita - 250g - 250
pounded yam - 250g - 260
tuwo (corn starch) - 250g - 317
spaghetti - 140g - 155
fried plantain - 1 medium - 300 (no wonder!!!)
fried potatoes - 6 sticks- 100
fufu - 250g - 320
sausage - 100g - 476 (OMG!!! i love sausages so much)

this is just some of the items, its about 3 pages, just ignored the other ones.

at this rate, they will condemn everything in the world as poisnous, what then shall we eat?

in short, there's nothing safe other than fruits and veggies again, like seriously?????!!!!
dieting is so hard men, whose idea was it anyway?!
in one of them diets, they proposed just vegs and fruits a week, hello??? are u frigging kidding me??!!!

i'm going to start some exercise tommorow too. only wonder how long this will last, i'm so indisciplined its so annoying. like this funny book i read a long time ago "My diet starts tommorow". it was so funny, the chic kept postponing her diets, its either she's too upset, heartbroken, happy and she has to eat. it was so funny!

anyway, am willing to try, lets see how it goes. at least i'll detox.
my diet has started.

have a great weekend y'all!

PS
can anyone tell me how to add pictures in my post? the only option available to me is the one that i can put on my post title, i want it in the main post itself. how can i do it?

EVERYTHING I LIKE IS POISONOUS!!!

I've known my new boss for a long time now, although she's never been very fat, she's quite on the big side - which is permissible, she's a mother of 2 in her 40s. So she travelled for her vacation and came back looking slimmer and very very nice, may i add, to my dismay! thats case No. 1 out of many.

My former No. 2 Boss, (remember MP?), she dropped down from 16/18 to a 14! she once bought a 16 suit and the thing wasnt properly fitted! plus this woman dresses to kill, on a normal day, she dresses like she's going for a corporate lunch. very decent, nice and toosh. u dont want to imagine her in trad for a wedding, absolute stunner! may i add, she is also a mother of 2 grown boys and a bit over 50! u should see her on fridays, either in native or casuals, she looks like a very young mama! let me beef her small by saying "afterall, her husband get plenty money"!

My former colleagues mum, who is well over 50 looks like my colleague's sister. u have to squint to see her white hair (thank God for that!). on her grandson's first birthday, she wore pants and top and looked like one of us, conviniently. plus her daughter told me she has and knows where to get the hottest lingeries anywhere. now am seriously fuming.......

there's my friend K, she bakes cakes, she's the one i get to bake all my birthday cakes etc she has 2 little girls too and in her 30s. she is something between size 8 and 10. yet the very evil K bakes me the sinful, lovely and spongy choc cakes for my birthdays, just the way i love it and stupidly, i eat and beg for more. whats the result? very obvious and apparent, am a size 14!!!!!! ok, we are coming back to me...........

these are just a few, i see lots of these "Mummies" these days and they are hot. in fact, hotter than we twenty-something-and-very-single-girls of these days i can bet u.

now to the purport of this rambling cos i know u r wondering whats my ish with them.....

I am now a confirmed SIZE 14 going on 16!!!!!

in fact, i struggle to enter some fitted size 14 dresses these days.
i had noticed this some months ago when i tried on some of my trads, they just would not zip or pass the hip. u should see war in "packing" myself into some of my old trad attires, na war!
i became very very sad yesterday when i was trying on some jeans. size 12 jeans (the type that stretches usually do well on me). 14 wont be so smart. news flash, the size 14 could not pass my bum! the fact that its the very tough jeans material is not consoling me right now. i have exploded and am just 27 and unmarried and have no kids yet!!!

funny thing is, i do not "feel" fat. sincerely, i do not. in fact, i dont remember how fat i am until i try on something i like or i take photographs. these are the things that remind me that am fat.

i walk smart, can do exercises (dont do the gym bit tho), not lazy, dont feel heavy etc but am fat.

i know u cant wait to ask the obvious question, whats my diet like?

ok.......... confession time. i promise u, am going to be very honest:

i eat basically twice in a day, at most. brunch and supper.
i do not do large plates, i get filled easily.
i eat fruits, a lot. i love apples and eat them when i feel perkish instead of biscuits and chocs.
i have done away with coke almost completely, i can go a week without coke et al.
i have reduced ice cream drastically to about once in 3 wks (this is hard considering how much i love ice cream)
i do lots of vegetables.
i have zero resistant for cakes. yes. that is my undoing.
i love chicken which is healthy, abi? i know the skin isnt but i indulge once in a while.
i like junk food but dont do them often, hello! u need lots of money to do junks in this abuja place! i cant keep taking trips to grandsquare or kay's house when i feel like cake so that has reduced the crave for cakes.
i've done away with pastries but still do a little bread tho. i heard that is very bad.

this is so annoying. all the things i like except apples, which i hope some researcher wont come up to say is fattening, are bad for me. Btw, they say bananas are fattening, is this true?! and indomies too!

EVERYTHING I LIKE IS POISONOUS!!!!

the more i become consious of my weight, the more i exercise and watch my diet, its exactly at those times that people say "Omotee, u dey gain weight o!". when i let go and do crap, people dont seem to notice. o ti su mi o.

i know i have to be disciplined but this is so hard. i have heard a zillion weight losing methods but i know i cant do lots of them:

i dont like gyms, its just so routine and cliche. would love to lose weight in a fun manner.

i just want to be a size 12 at least, thats all i pray for. i know as a matter of fact that i have a hot shape (this is very true, ask my friends) but my stomach and big bum wont let it show that much. a size 12 with a fairly sucked in stomach will do me just good, this is all i want.

knowing my vices, what do i do now?!
i know i sound like a broken record but indulge me.

and please, please, do not, whatever u advise (i need ur advice badly), dont tell me to quit cakes completely, once in 3 wks cannot be that bad and am just taking 2 (or 3) slices of choc cakes!