EVERYTHING I LIKE IS POISONOUS!!!

I've known my new boss for a long time now, although she's never been very fat, she's quite on the big side - which is permissible, she's a mother of 2 in her 40s. So she travelled for her vacation and came back looking slimmer and very very nice, may i add, to my dismay! thats case No. 1 out of many.

My former No. 2 Boss, (remember MP?), she dropped down from 16/18 to a 14! she once bought a 16 suit and the thing wasnt properly fitted! plus this woman dresses to kill, on a normal day, she dresses like she's going for a corporate lunch. very decent, nice and toosh. u dont want to imagine her in trad for a wedding, absolute stunner! may i add, she is also a mother of 2 grown boys and a bit over 50! u should see her on fridays, either in native or casuals, she looks like a very young mama! let me beef her small by saying "afterall, her husband get plenty money"!

My former colleagues mum, who is well over 50 looks like my colleague's sister. u have to squint to see her white hair (thank God for that!). on her grandson's first birthday, she wore pants and top and looked like one of us, conviniently. plus her daughter told me she has and knows where to get the hottest lingeries anywhere. now am seriously fuming.......

there's my friend K, she bakes cakes, she's the one i get to bake all my birthday cakes etc she has 2 little girls too and in her 30s. she is something between size 8 and 10. yet the very evil K bakes me the sinful, lovely and spongy choc cakes for my birthdays, just the way i love it and stupidly, i eat and beg for more. whats the result? very obvious and apparent, am a size 14!!!!!! ok, we are coming back to me...........

these are just a few, i see lots of these "Mummies" these days and they are hot. in fact, hotter than we twenty-something-and-very-single-girls of these days i can bet u.

now to the purport of this rambling cos i know u r wondering whats my ish with them.....

I am now a confirmed SIZE 14 going on 16!!!!!

in fact, i struggle to enter some fitted size 14 dresses these days.
i had noticed this some months ago when i tried on some of my trads, they just would not zip or pass the hip. u should see war in "packing" myself into some of my old trad attires, na war!
i became very very sad yesterday when i was trying on some jeans. size 12 jeans (the type that stretches usually do well on me). 14 wont be so smart. news flash, the size 14 could not pass my bum! the fact that its the very tough jeans material is not consoling me right now. i have exploded and am just 27 and unmarried and have no kids yet!!!

funny thing is, i do not "feel" fat. sincerely, i do not. in fact, i dont remember how fat i am until i try on something i like or i take photographs. these are the things that remind me that am fat.

i walk smart, can do exercises (dont do the gym bit tho), not lazy, dont feel heavy etc but am fat.

i know u cant wait to ask the obvious question, whats my diet like?

ok.......... confession time. i promise u, am going to be very honest:

i eat basically twice in a day, at most. brunch and supper.
i do not do large plates, i get filled easily.
i eat fruits, a lot. i love apples and eat them when i feel perkish instead of biscuits and chocs.
i have done away with coke almost completely, i can go a week without coke et al.
i have reduced ice cream drastically to about once in 3 wks (this is hard considering how much i love ice cream)
i do lots of vegetables.
i have zero resistant for cakes. yes. that is my undoing.
i love chicken which is healthy, abi? i know the skin isnt but i indulge once in a while.
i like junk food but dont do them often, hello! u need lots of money to do junks in this abuja place! i cant keep taking trips to grandsquare or kay's house when i feel like cake so that has reduced the crave for cakes.
i've done away with pastries but still do a little bread tho. i heard that is very bad.

this is so annoying. all the things i like except apples, which i hope some researcher wont come up to say is fattening, are bad for me. Btw, they say bananas are fattening, is this true?! and indomies too!

EVERYTHING I LIKE IS POISONOUS!!!!

the more i become consious of my weight, the more i exercise and watch my diet, its exactly at those times that people say "Omotee, u dey gain weight o!". when i let go and do crap, people dont seem to notice. o ti su mi o.

i know i have to be disciplined but this is so hard. i have heard a zillion weight losing methods but i know i cant do lots of them:

i dont like gyms, its just so routine and cliche. would love to lose weight in a fun manner.

i just want to be a size 12 at least, thats all i pray for. i know as a matter of fact that i have a hot shape (this is very true, ask my friends) but my stomach and big bum wont let it show that much. a size 12 with a fairly sucked in stomach will do me just good, this is all i want.

knowing my vices, what do i do now?!
i know i sound like a broken record but indulge me.

and please, please, do not, whatever u advise (i need ur advice badly), dont tell me to quit cakes completely, once in 3 wks cannot be that bad and am just taking 2 (or 3) slices of choc cakes!

Hormones and other stories

Hey guys!

longest time. promised myself was going to get my writing mojo back but the muse seems to be angry with me. i have like a zillion things to talk about and yet, i dont get to put anything down, i just do blog rounds and close up.

a lot has happened since my last post:

LAGOS/NBA CONFERENCE:
i started my leave at old office on the 15th of last month, went to lagos for the NBA conference. the conf is actually an opportunity to hook up with lots of old friends, it was fun! i had plenty fun. everyone took turns in taking me out, debonairs, chocolate royale, galleria etc. yeah, i realise how bush i sound now for not knowing all those places, I do not like Lagos! i sincerely feel u have to be superhuman or something to live in lagos. but my man Fashola has performed some miracle there, its much much saner than i expected.

the conference was nice, lots of lawyers, forming activity like we can actually care to solve Nigeria's problems. ok, i am a pessimist, and i am changing that, but i feel the issues or Nigeria cannot be solved by lots of talks and conferences, our issues are much more.......... tougher than plenty speeches. God help us.

and in Lag i saw Cutie! remember cutie?

CUTIE:

Cutie is my name sake. Cutie and i met some 2 yrs ago and we clicked. he is so cute and so funny and brilliant plus we have plenty of chemistry. we really like each other and still both afraid to commit into a relationship cos of distance. Cutie stays in Lag, i here in Abuja with no hopes of relocating. now cutie seems to be open to the idea of the long relationship thingi and now.......... i couldnt be bothered. i really like Cutie but a real relationship takes 2 willing people. last time we discussed, we were supposed to be dating but he does something funny. when we talk on phone, he tries to be formal and nice, so that the people with him dont think he is talking to someone special. he calls later at night then gets into his element and starts the "Hi baby" thing.

whenever he introduces me to anyone, its very formal: "Meet Omotee", thats all. Its annoying! Does he think am stupid?

So, i just talked to myself. I like Cutie. would like it very much if we had something serious going on. Cutie doesnt seem to think that way. seems to me like he wants the 2 of us to know of the relationship btw us. That sucks and its really silly.

I know he had this girlfriend that they've been dating for so long and they've kinda broken up. then saw her passport in his wallet plus all his deja vu kind of attitude, i decided to confront him some 2 weeks ago about it. didnt quarell or anything. just sent him a text: "hey, are u and Miss......... still together?"
then he said "yes....but we should talk about this".

so we talked later and Cutie didnt own up, didnt say Yes we are dating or No we are not dating. just said "Babe, lets drop this, its not an issue for us. I am your man and I'm asking you to just forget about that whole issue".

can you beat that?!?!

anyway, i didnt quarell with him over it. just left the issue and dropped him as well. just stopped calling him and when he calls, i dont sound cold or anything. point is, as much as i like him, am not hung up over him, i am not crazy about him. my attitude is, if he is there, fine. if not, too bloody bad!

MF has taught me a lesson, i am not going to let anybody hurt me that much again. stay if u want to, if cant, take a hike! headache over a guy is too expensive for me to pay.

HORMONES:

i think i have a probem. ok, maybe not a problem problem, but its there, nagging, and no, i havent gone preggers.

usually when am ovulating, i feel extremely mushy mushy, badly want to have sex, have babies, i see babies and go, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

for the past few days now, i have been extremely mushy mushy, my hormones are everywhere, driving me nuts. i see a nice looking tall guy and i imagine a gazillion things and the poor guy wouldnt even be looking in my direction, talkless of saying hello! i think its pathetic! i am not even ovulating. is this normal? i think its a bit abnormal.

bottom line: I need a boyfriend and i need him fast!

PS:

i promise to update something that makes sense soon, but right now, my hormones arent even helping me make sense. have a great weekend y'all!

Hey good people, was i missed?!?!



I've always had crazy schedules and hectic days but i have no words yet to describe what the last few weeks have been. crazy just doesnt seem to say it anymore. somehow there are just about 3 lawyers in my office (asides Principal and Managing Principal (p and MP) of cos) and we have like a zillion cases in a day and lots of pending appeals, all those legal jargon things. but am so glad now, August is here, the month of slowing down, besides, there is good news now..................... i'll tell u in a bit.



so things are a bit sane now at work and in my life. Court's are on vac except for a few Judges who still want to sit. i start my much awaited leave on the 15th. the best part of it is P and MP are away on vacation, outside the country!!!!!!! am especially glad that P is out. the guy is in his early 60's and doesnt believe there's nothing to life asides work!! little wonder i still have no boyfriend, yeah, more gist on that.



so, unto the good news:

I got a new job!!!!!!! Yes!!!!



Its nothing short of a miracle and believe me, this aint no cliche. I'm out of practice (advocacy) for now, am with the judiciary now. i am going to be working with a Judge. the pay isnt superbly fantabulous but then, its a better opportunity and most importantly, i am going to start a sane life! no more country throtting for cases and all of that.

of cos i will miss my job, i liked it and i will miss my office folks, lovely people. never knew change could be so scary but then...... change has come and am embracing it!



so, lots of things have happened that i will gist about but am still in my last duties so i gotta run now! pls do drop ur comments, i've missed u all!



PS

i visited some store yesterday, Exclusive supermarket here in abuja. i hope i do not appear bush but i saw somehting crazy! i saw a bottle of wine that cost N1.3 million! yes , million for a bottle of wine!!!!!!! if i drink that kind of wine, it must be able to turn me into something! i dont know...........princess maybe?!?!

but really, whats the idea?
ok, maybe am just bush
but would u buy a bottle of wine for 1.3M? and why?

just reminds me of the prices of clothes in true love magazines - bum shorts (simple or ugly looking at that) for about N40k! excuse me?! do people actually buy that?!

wanna hear ur thots on these folks!

The Ultimate Goal?

A few questions have been in my mind for long and each time i try to discuss it with my friends, i just get funny answers. I just want to know if i'm being naive or silly or unrealistic:

Does or Should marriage for a woman mean an entirely different and new life?

Ok, thats kinda vague, will explain, hope not to lose you.

Usually, the trend these days for us ladies is that we get married, ditch all our old friends.

I dont think it should be so.

I'm of the opinion that your husband can never be ur all in all. somehow ur husband cannot be able to fill in as ur husband, girlfriend, sister and all those things our girlfriends mean to us.
Dont get me wrong, I am all for marriage, in fact, i wanna get married like yesterday. i love men (yes i do!), i am a bloody romantic and all that. dont think this is one of those activism thingis.

I am also aware that when u get married, you explore another realm of your life, its so different, time and energy tasking and all that. Things cannot definitely be like when you were single and

But then, is becoming Mrs. So so the ultimate goal? Isnt there something more you want to achieve? isnt life going to continue? Is marriage all that there is to life? Does marriage magically turns ur life over and bam! u r a new creation?

For instance, when u ditch all ur friends cos u r now married, what happens to days when there's something u want to discuss with a woman? days when baby does this funny thing and u just want to talk to a woman about it? days when u just want to have good times with your girl friends? days when you want to get a certain recipe? shopping? ideas? etc???


times when u and hubby arent having it so sweet and u just want to talk to a woman about it? and yes, i know about all the do-not-involve-the-third-party-in-your-marriage-rule but God has created us in such a way that we cant solve things all on our own, u only apply wisdom on your choice of person to talk to about things.
So when these kind of days come, what happens? there's suddenly no one to call on because we left them out when status changed.

And then there's this funny issue. Your husband suddenly dont like your friends whom they knew u with in the toasting days. they dont want u to go anywhere asides work. its going to be war before u are allowed to hang out with ur girlfriends, am not talking late night parties o, am talking normal shopping, birthdays etc. Trust me, in this 24th century, i still see men like that!
these men suddenly think ur friends especially the single ones will corrupt u. these ur friends will suddenly be able to "spoil ur head", something they couldnt do when u were 18 - 23, this feat will be achieved now that you are 28!!!!!!!

i have a friend whose husband doesnt want her to keep in touch with me anymore cos i might corrupt her. poor me is in abuja and chic is in london o!
i also have a friend who isnt married but Oga dictates who she talks to or hangs out with via phone, in fact, he prefers that she is always alone, all the time. she doesnt seem to complain so whats my own, it only makes me wonder....

But really, i wanna know, is that how its meant to be with marriage?

PS
On me and my cockroaches, since the day i did that post, i havent seen them o! Praise da Lord!!!!!!!

Halloz good people!

Remember Mr. Nice? That very nice man that wanted to marry me? Ok, read Jacob and Esau, he was Jacob.

So, in February, my younger brother came from school to spend a few days with me. My AC was bad and we had just a standing fan, it was extremely hot but repairing an old AC or buying another one was not in my budget then.

So Mr. Nice came on a hot sunday afternoon, brought me an electrician to repair my old AC. oga elect said my AC was very old fashioned and almost useless and there'll be no sense repairing it. so i said thanks, do not bother. Mr. Nice took oga elect away and a few mins later, they came back with a tokunbo AC and fixed it.

I told Mr. Nice i wasnt ready to buy an AC o, that he shouldnt bother. my friends eyed me and said to shut up. "Thats his own humble way of buying me an AC so i should stop behaving naive and foolish". So he said we should manage it (teasingly) so my brother will enjoy his stay. meanwhile, he said it was a temporary arrangement thing. Duration? Payment? I asked and he refused to answer, smiled and kept quiet.

Meanwhile, neither the AC nor Mr. Nice's nice gestures were able to secure a relationship. i just never liked him, there was something unreal about him. To spoil it all, he started complaining about my friends, one in particular, according to him was too loud for his liking. Now, i do not like guys who think u should discard all ur friends just bcos he's your boyfriend. And pls note, in this case, i had not even agreed to date Mr. Nice, that was crystal clear! and yet he wanted to start sacking my friends! later he will give me his list of approved friends, shio!

without longing things, Nice disappeared, left AC.

suddenly out of the blues, Nice sends me a text saying "hi. d xter that rented the AC will be coming for it, he has refused to sell and using the impulsive deal i had with him to exploit me. let me know when he can see you".

Ehn! can u imagine? i ignored the text, waiting for him to text. then two days later he sends anotehr one saying "hi. guess u didnt get my earlier text, cant pay the aircondition man a dime again after almost 20k, unless he's ready to sell. let me know when he can come for it. Nice".

Eh! people no dey get shame o! this same guy was pestering me last year to take one of his cars, seeing that i have no car and he has 3 and he doesnt want to see me suffer. i refused to take his car, i dont think i need it now i said. i just thot i couldnt take a car from someone who wanted to marry me and i wasnt ready. my awuf no dey reach like that. so, i wonder what would have happened if i had taken the car? na so i go dey shockingly naked cos the mechanic would want the care back!!!

so we exchanged several text messages, i told him to come carry his AC on sat morning, that i wonder what took him so long blah blah blah. the guy was furious and started sending texts of how he had spent 40k! and lately he sent me a text saying "I" should remove the AC myself and put it by my door so the electrician can come pick it.

E gbami o! shuoo! so now am an electrician! of cos i let him know there's a reason i read law and just in case he has forgotten, i am a woman! let the bloody electrician or himself come and remove the AC and fix my old one back! shame still dey catch am, he hasnt called me since. i swear the next time he calls or texts concerning him, i will shock him. i have plans for him whenever he comes to remove his AC.

i mean, all this fuss over tokunbo AC wey i no beg for o! i was happy and contended with my fan o! yeye man! he pulled that stunt that day to impress my friends and brother, they all just felt "oh, he's so kind and caring". greek gift! am buying a chacha AC right after i pay my house rent. shio!

something just made me happy sha, i'm glad i refused to date or marry this guy, something was wrong tho i couldnt place a finger to it. all my friends thot i was stupid for not dating this "highly nice and comfortable guy". am glad i didnt. wetin for happen?

LA COKARACHA

Hey y'all! whats good? been ages.

I've been managing to read some blogs and drop comments when i can. I have been extremely busy (thats everyone's cliche, who dey play with sand?!). Work seems to be unending and am always on the move! I wish the plenty wahala would show by some weight reduction but no, i still look the same!

And truthfully, i havent posted any cos i havent gotten anything nice to blog about, but then, i have one, no, two issues bothering me that i want to share. this first issue was inspired around 12.59 this morning, i just felt my blog folks might be able to help:

My house/accomodation/room (its a self-con flat, with kitchen inside the room) is quite spacious and neat. I am not exactly extremely neat but i'm quite neat; empty my trash cans, dont (always) leave plates overnight, sweep my room and generally keep the room in good shape. i have a room mate that's quite neat too, we make a good team. i love scrubbing floors and washing anything. i have a friend that's kinda squatting (long story) so that makes 3 women but we do well, room is quite big.

So my reason for this elaborate description is this: why da hell would cockroaches try to steal my peace???!!!! i absolutely hate junks, i throw away anything that represent junks, i have no emotional attachment to bottles and nice containers, so, to the best of my ability, i make sure they have no place in my home. there's camphor in every frigging corner of my room cos i heard they keep them away but guess what??!! just like winch, those stupid creatures show up at night, when u are in deep sleep and creep on u!!! they probably have a secret headquarters in my room or something. yes, its sad but true! we dare not sleep without cans of raid or baygon and sleepers and brooms nearby, all bcos of those little demons!

you have to see the rate and speed at which we wake up, put on the torch and start searching for cockroach, its almost crazy, u feel anything on ur skin or cover-cloth, u just jump, like some automated machine programmed to jump. the sight is very funny but we never laugh cos its annoying! my roomy actually prayed about it!

can u imagine?! chics like us, cockroach dey harrass us. i have used all the liquids and insecticides that i have seen and all they do is keep away for hours and show up later. we kill at least one every frigging day! pls, just before i go find babalawo to do jazz, what can i do again? am sincerely annoyed! they've interrupted beautiful dreams and my sound sleep severally and then i dream later that a cockroach entered in between my bread and i toasted and ate them!!!!!!!!!!!! PLS HELP!!!!!!

i'll do a post on the next bugging issue. just before i do, may i ask, what da hell is wrong with being a MISS?!?!?!

details later.

PS

my friend and i (from previous post) are gradually coming back to terms. we been gisting and we danced for hours together yesterday. he sure did get over it, or so i hope. details later too.

Follow up on yesterday's deep shit:

Thanks everyone for the advice et al. Though now i realise i didnt make myself very clear, in the text, i wrote out his name, in full! just wrote it here as Fellow for anonymity's sake, so just replace Fellow with a guy's name, thats what makes it such a deep shit!!!!

if there was no name there, i would have easily told him it wasnt meant for him or about him.


Antyways, i sent a text to him yesterday, immediately after i realised my mistake and per advice of my colleagues, saying, sorry the text was not meant for u. am so sorry.

Fellow did not respond, he just called much later around 6pm:

Fellow: Omotee how now? where are u?

Me: Just leaving office, going home now (my heart was doing 340 at the mo but i was good at covering it)

Fellow: Apparently mo ti be (which means "i have been forward") cos i just learnt we are not allowed to bring in guests for the dinner (which is a civil way of saying i dont wanna see u)

Me: ehn ehn? ok then, no problem.

Fellow: ok then, hope u r fine sha? take care (said very nicely like nothing happened).

Me: Ok. "CLick".


I have re-read the text message a zillion times and tried the to re-wind time but Geenie don travel. I still feel bad cos i know it will spoil the friendship we had or at least put a strain on it. but then, its one of those things i guess. i have even laughed over it.


Thursday will tell when we see at salsa. knowing him, he probably will just say hi politely, ignore me and pretend like nothing happened. its not exactly a broachable topic. if he ever talks about it, its an opportunity for him to say "Omotee, i was just being a friend, i had nothing in mind, didnt know ur mind will travel that far" and it will be my turn to look and feel stupid and foolish.

abeg, i don free myself jo! shirappens!

Of cos we all know that will be being economical with the truth.


Funny thing is, i have done this foolish thing before. i was to send Luscious Ron a text about an ex who was getting funny with me and i sent it to the guy in question! luckily all i said was: "i must be mad o, i just had 5 mins of serious sizzling kissing with my ex!"

so he replied and said: "nobody is mad! mind urself o! next time i catch u, it will be hours of serious sizzling kissing!" and we just laughed it off.
i have been extra cautious in text messaging since yesterday.


thanks everyone and have a great weekend!

HELPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!! AM IN A DEEP SHIT!!!

My issue is as bad as the topic, i am in a deep shit, literarily!!!

I have a friend, very nice guy, we met at salsa and been quite close since then. Sometimes i feel we are too close, he can leave my house late and i dont really mind cos i just see him as my friend. He has a nice relationship with all my friends that he knows. we have so much fun together. he is one of the main reasons why salsa is so much fun for me.

so today, i did the most stupidest thing.

he called this morning to invite me for a dinner party. my room mate (who has been hoping something happens between us) was very excited about it this as expected. i then sent her the following text:

"I am really praying and hoping "Fellow" doesnt ask me out, i'll feel very akward turning him down. y cant he just be who i want.?"

U can imagine what i did, yeah u guessed right, i FOOLISHLY AND STUPIDLY sent the text to him!!!!!!!!! (u are permitted to tell me how stupid i am).

u know how nokia fones are, it gives u recent call list and recently used options when u want to send messages. roomy had called earlier before Fellow and so i just stupidly sent it to Fellow.

My colleague said i should just send a text to say "sorry, pls that text wasnt meant for you, am sorry" which i did immediately but thats not going to wipe out my previous text. this is one moment i wish MTN will misbehave!! wish denied, Genie is dead!!!

Of cos i wont go to the dinner, guilt wont make me ride the same car with him or sit beside him.

But pls tell me, what can i do??? talk about it?? say nothing until he talks about it???? pls help me!!!!!!

PS

I have been doing stupid mistakes this week. First was mis informing my boss on Monday that his 12pm flight was 2pm and i entered that yawa BIG TIME. i narrowly escaped by getting the tickets at the airport. might interest u to know that Fellow talked me out of the blues i got from it and see what i did to him.

today, i mistakenly filled the names of shareholders on my colleagues forms, he is in a good mood today so world war 3 was averted.

is something wrong with me? am i on some curse or what?

PSS

My colleague asked me what exactly is wrong with fellow that i cannot fathom a relationship with him. pls note, he isnt even asking me out yet o, he is just being nice and am sure he has guessed i dont have a serious boyfriend.

Fellow is ok, nice guy, very nice, friendly, the kind of person all ur friends get along with. good sense of humour, hard working and intelligent. all those things. I just do not like him that way. plus (now i expect u to think am crazy too), i am an inch taller than him, is that a silly excuse?

pls blogsville, talk to me, i need u now!!!!!!!!!!

I'M TAGGED

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO

1. Being very very very rich (prefarably to be Mrs. Femi Otedola or Dangote)

2.Being Mrs. ......... (i trully wanna marry and cash my V cheque)

3. Getting a better paying job

4. loosing weight (and still get to eat choc cakes)

5. becoming an icon in the legal profession

6. raising my own kids

7. a better practising christian

8.Constant blogging(Not necessarily in that order)

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY

1. did a short prayer

2. worked, a lot

3.bought my mum an impromptu gift (hey am nice)

4. did a post on my page

5. danced and had plenty fun at salsa

6. drank 2 cups of tea late last night and ate one slice of toast

7. imagined me being a slimmer girl and dancing so well

8. slept like an idiot!

8 THINGS I WISH TO DO

1.Become a better Christian (true)

2.Play a bass guitar (Luscious Lu copied my dreams)

3. Live a much more fulfilled life

4. Buy lovely bras and dresses (vain, i know)

5. Visit Egypt, Greece, Mecca and Jerusalem

6. Slap rude policemen who ask for bribe and harrass poor people

7. Yell at my dirty neighbours who do not believe in using trash cans

8. Have a contact at PHCN to ensure i have uninterrupted power supply

8 SHOWS I WATCH.

1. Desperate Housewives

2.Grey's Anatomy

3. Ellen Degenres Show (once in a while)

4.Sex and the City

5.Alias

6. AIT News

7.NTA News

8. My funny roomate and friend (i tell u, she's a show to behold)

BLOGGERS TAGGED

1. MDM

2. LusciousRon

3. Roc Naija

4. TDVA

5. Miss Love

6. Simon

7. Nefertiti

8. Scribble

6. Missfly high

Hope y'all have a good rest this break. Cheerio!

Remeber the stupid things i used to think and do when i was a kid. some i still have not forgotten, i got seriously walloped!

- remember one day, think i was 6, for no particular reason, i decided to shit (poop) in our car garrage. mum packed her car and saw it. before asking why, she beat the living shit (literarily) out of my life. i still wonder, why on earth did i do that?!?! the house had like 5 toilets!

- i had lots of aunts and cousins staying with us then and so the aunties fetch water all the way up when pressure cant go up. so after filling several drums, i decided to put like a few drops of pop's cleaning fluid (for his sax and stuff) in each of the containers filled with water (just to know what will happen). it spoilt it all and looked like kerosine and water and smelt horrible and oily. mum asked, i denied, she got to know and whooped me seriously.

- we used to have a little kiosk in front of the gate then, we sold petty stuff (to keep gran busy) including sweets. eclairs eyin alangba (tiny egg like multi-colored sweets), goody goody, gogo etc. i started stealing eclairs and eyin alangba then, i pop one at every opportunity.

on the day of reckoning, a neibors kid came over and saw lots of eclairs wrap behind the shop and asked if everyone who bought eclairs eat it behind our shop. asiri tu!! my yansh don open!

in short, mum found out. she beat me like a thief (well, i was)! even pop couldnt bear it and just left the house. after beating me, with the dripping nose et al, she forced me to eat "I give u food all the time" and gave me a newspaper where they showed thieves at a firing squad. she said "thats what happens to thieves, no matter what they steal, some of them stole N5 and see them now".

It worked cos anytime i got tempted, i just remember the firing squad.

- there was also the addiction of plucking fruits from people's house, ripe or unripe, we just had to pluck, usually on our way back from school (pri school). the man will chase us, screaming and cussing, we just kept doing it. somehow, i never got caught. interestingly, we had lots of fruit in the house, why must we steal?

- one man bred all types of dogs too, alsasians etc he didnt even have fruits. we just had to disturb the dogs to see if they could chase us. one unfortunate day, a fierce dog was tied loosely to a cassava plant, of cos it broke loose and chased us! while running, all i was thinking was "If this dog bites or eats me, my mum will probably beat my remains still". i cant remember why the dog left us.

- whenever it rained then, i always sit by the window, imagining that angels are gathered round a very big and mighty sieve, with God (remember He is big and mighty) pouring water into the sieve, and thats how it rains. i always sit there hoping to catch a glimpse of my imagination.

PSS:

i am very very horny with nothing to do about it! unfortunately, i am ovulating and coming accross things that will stimulate me! oh what a day.

SO ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Today has finally come and contrary to how i felt earlier (Help, I'm Aging), i do feel good today.

I feel greatful and thankful to God, I have life, I can have every other thing He permits.

I have recieved some gifts already. U wont believe my colleagues gave me jewelries, perfume, OMG, everyone knows how vain I am!!! My senior colleague gave me cash, and u wont believe, he asked me to "Buy Shoes"!!!

Other gifts are coming, I say that by faith (pls refer to earlier post).

I have recieved zillions of calls and text messages, people just remember my birthday, i just feel good! How on earth could I have thot I would be gloomy?!?!

Will let u know how the day goes.

XOXO!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I read Repressed One's blog yesterday and its a really good piece, inspiring, thot provoking. If i wont be guilty of stealing copyright (or somfin), that piece inspired this post.
(And make i no lie, i get brain block or something and life is generally uneventful at the mo, hence this ........ post)



The post made me realise how ungrateful i have been.



Dont get me wrong, I am always so full of thanks to God, but its almost as much as i complain and nag Him about the things He has not done. Sometimes i want to have a tete-a-tete with God and say things like "Baba, I offend u? You answer some people sharp sharp but my own go tey, wetin i do sef?"



Sometimes, i see people, who i feel i am better than, characterwise etc. and they seem to get the best out of life.

I see and know chics who have "lived the life" without care of what might happen tommorow but still get the best of what goody two shoes still dream of getting one day.

For instance, you see chics that are outrightly wayward (to say the least) and eventually, they get married to really good men (at least, they appear so). And it makes me wonder, is that some definition of "divine favour" or "grace"?

If i have to put down my thoughts on this, i probably will have to write a whole book.



But i choose not to bore u. I just want to say:



God I'm thankful for lots of things, in spite of my complaints and naggings.

Am thankful for the gift of life, without which there would be nothing.
All those trips I make every week, with crazy drivers and horrible roads,
Some make a quarter of those trips, and they have horrible experiences,
or worse still, lose their lives.

Am thankful for good health.
Lots of people have better diets and are more disciplined
But still they fall ill and spend the better part of their lives in
hospitals and on drugs.
But i eat crap and dont exercise and I am healthy.



Am grateful for the job I have,

Even though most of the time I feel like strangling my boss,
Sometimes it seems like the reason for his existence is to frustrate my life,

But i dont want to imagine life without a goal or target to meet in a day.



Am grateful for all my friends,

Sometimes i feel like I have too many of them,

But they are all so wonderful and important to me.



Am grateful for my little family,
Not perfect though, lots of things could be better,
But I love them nonetheless, they are all I have got.

Am grateful for being able to love,
Loving could be so wonderful, so heavenly you cannot explain it,
And yet, it could be one of the most hurtful things to feel,
The pains and hurts we feel from loving......... I cant explain
But I do not want to imagine what life would be without feelings of love.

Am grateful for the one who invented the idea of Blogging,
How would I have met the wonderful, crazy and intelligent people I have met through blogging?
Shakespeares of all sorts and in their own rights.
People who read my silly and uninspiring posts but are still nice enough to drop comments,
The funny friendship we build through blogging,
It makes me wonder what I have been doing with myself prior to this great discovery.

And to conclude this random thots,
The author of my devotional this morning gave one of the reasons to be thankful (or content):
THINGS COULD BE WORSE!
No matter how wierd you think your case is, someone has a worse case.
LORD, AM SO THANKFUL.

PS:
I am thankful as I wait for mybirthday gifts. Here's a list of things that will make me very grateful:
- A BMW X5 (forgive the citation, u know the car). I've been in it and it suits me a lot.
- A lovely wristwatch. The one on me right now is a VERY FAKE DKNY! Make i no disgrace una.
- A big and sinfully rich choc cake (u know i missed out on that during vals, pls someone, make up for it).
- Ummm....... Will update the list very soon. I have one yeye Notice of Appeal to do, Oga is yelling for me now.

Peace and Love!

HELP, I AM AGING!!!!!!

I havent got much to say, just this tiny, almost insignificant and silly issue that i have been thinking about. thats why the title is silly too.

Come April 14th, I will be a year older, specifically, i will be 27 (there, i said it). so whats the ish abi? well........ lets just put it simply, 27 sounds (and feels) quite old! i mean, i feel old! 27 is scaringly close to 30! the BIG 30!!!! in the next 3 years i will be 30!

What happened? suddenly am 27. a few years back, i used to think 27 was so far away and that by then i would have been a lot of things, on top of my list is that i would be Mrs. Omotee Somebody, i would be a big time young lawyer making plenty waves and of cos, plenty cash. i thot by now i would have figured a lot of things out, but alas, that age has come and Nos 1, 2 and 3 on my list are still at best, dreams!

No. 1 is especially difficult, moreso now that it seems all the men i meet these days are either married, stupid, extremely short, already hooked (and want u as a side plate), confused and just generally not it. the marriageable ones just dont seem to exist anymore! does anyone feel me?!

Dont get me wrong, i am grateful to God, u cant even complain about this things if u were very ill or better still, dead. i am thankful for life and i aint doing so badly, really.

But suddenly theres so many things i cant do anymore, i just feel so old. for the first time in my plenty years am not so so excited about my birthday, i am usually EXTREMELY excited about my birthdays, my phone rings every second, am all smiley through out the day (my chic hurts like mad), i get to eat lots of cake without guilt (hey, its my birthday now), i am entitled to N1500 credit from my Pop (funny man), i always look very very beautiful (or so i like to believe) and i am just generally on top of the world!

But right at this moment, the plans i have for my birthday are not it.

for one, i hope to miraculously get a break that day, which i already know wont happen except i fall very ill, ordinary illness doesnt get u a day off in my office, it must be obvious that u r about to die! i hope to lie down all day in bed, switch off my phones, eat a big chocolate cake with tea or something and watch movies or listen to good music and avoid all the drama and frenzy.

I also know that its all a dream, cos i will go to work, i dare not switch off my phone, i will even go to church, i will have a permanent smile plastered on my face and act nice and excited. i will do things that are absolutely different from my dream 27th birthday.

I do hope before then i would have shaken these feelings off, i usually feel this way (worried, cranky, mushy-mushy etc) when am ovulating and i think unlike normal girls, i ovulate 15 days or so. i dont even know how to calculate the dang thing, my doctor is so fed up. i just never know.

this is my latest ish, just wanted to share it with u.

PS

i will create a list of things i want for my birthday, at least that will cheer me up. pls start preparing ur mind and saving of cos. thank ya!

PSS

saw MF yesterday, wanted to slice his 4 tyres or smash his windscreen, u know, just for the fun of it. but then, not even MF is worth so much energy. i finally realised then how fast it is to get over pple when u set ur mind to do it.

Salsa!!!!

Just about mid last year, i found out there was a salsa dance club in Abuja. asides Dance with Me and some salsa music i listen to, i had no idea what salsa was all about, just know its a dance.

so, i went with my friend then to the Dome, i imagined it would be nice to see something else other than my colleagues at work, court rooms, church and boring lawyers.........

So, we went for salsa and i was so elated when i got there! i mean, it was such a beautiful sight! i never knew lots of Nigerians could salsa like that, it was so so beatiful. i got hooked right from that day. Of cos i couldnt make it every thursday and i didnt (and still havent) enrolled for classes plus MF was still in my life then and he made sure he played the what-do-they-do-there card whenever i wanna go and so naturally, i would stay with him than go for salsa.

But by October or so, i knew i wanted to have a life that a man would try to fit in to and not a life waiting to be filled up by some mystery man. it just might turn out to be a waiting for Igodo case (some home video, dont know what it means).

I got hooked and thursdays became happy days for me, i hardly miss salsa days. the only snag was that, the pros dont really like to dance with learners, i know it kills the fun but they can at least try. the slim and very fine girls get lucky, some pros try to come down to their level. and hey, i aint slim, but i consider myself beautiful, so i aint whining!

but eventually, i settled into it and made sure i had fun.

recently i found a patient teacher, he can dance with pros and find time for perpetual learners like me. you had to see me yesterday, i felt like a pro myself! with my skirt and high heeled sandals, turning and swinging and being so happy, of cos at the same time trying to ignore my painful feet!

On the dance floor, u find very interesting and funny xters. take for example, my funny neighbour that i invited. this bros dey very very igbotic (apologies to my igbo folks, aint yabbing u o biko!). this guy on the first day wore shirt and pants all tucked in and serious canoe looking shoes like he was going back to work! and then somehow he decieved himself into believing he could pick up fast cos he saw Dance with Me recently and practiced at home! oh boy, i pitied my friend who had to dance with him a whole of 30 mins during classes (they have 30mins class just before the party), the guy gripped her like he would grip iron! i had 3 mins of hell with him, i developed a migraine immediately. of cos, he must have figured the guy with the softer touch killed the migraine some 20 mins later.

there's also this funny guy who happens to attend my church. we call him "Mr. Stiff Neck". the guy dances like a zombie, he tells u where he wants u to move like a soldier giving command, imagine that kind of proud man trying to teach u to dance! and then, he probably thinks deodorants or perfumes were created for some other kind of people different from him. Mr. Stiff Neck! which makes me want to ask, pls how does one tell a guy politely to use a frigging deodorant or perfume without hurting his ego?! and that being a man does not give u the permission to "afro" ur armpit hair?! anyone has answers?

And theres the chic who was dancing last night, she wore jeans and left her fly open for whatever reasons. everyone had to bear the pains of watching her white strings! maybe am being bush, pls tell me, is that supposed to be some kind of fashion?!

Anyway, the point of all these plenty talk is this:

Its nice to have a life. Its nice to do something fun and interesting just for the purpose of being happy with yourself. Its much more fulfilling than praying and hoping and waiting for that person to come and spice up your life. Now i dont mean to sound like a Matyr or "Strong Woman", i do love love (and men), but theres more to life than waiting endlessly on him.

happy vals day people.

And i still expect my gift(s)!!

Red

Valentine has come again and i am so glad its a saturday! i will so clean my crib, go to work and later to church (maybe) and wont witness too much lovey dovey things and gifts flying all over the place. I am not so sure church will be safe tho, all those chics with their gifts and calls and boyfriends..... pls!

Ok, i know i sound jealous and envious, truth is I am! i was kinda hoping this year would be better, with a better boyfriend (or the previous one get better), nicer gifts and all the works but alas, its not happening!

anyway, before u start abusing or pitying me (woreva), i have made plans alright. the plans still need money to actualise them and i am working towards obtaining from some stupid mugus around me now.
i intend to buy a whole jar of blue bunny, peppered spicey chicken, rich lovely and sinful chocolate cake from ovens and a few hours to myself, considering how annoyingly full and busy my saturdays are.

so, i have made my plans. let no man ask me whats up for vals except u want to send me somethng.
in case u want to, pls here are a few of my desires for val:

- a lovely bra (i am a 34 DD)
- perfumes (thats my latest fancy and no, i wear perfumes all the time, wont be my first) as long as its designer and its not JLO or FLOWER, pls!
- lovely wrist watch
- a sinful choc. cake

Great Discovery

Just wanted to do a small post to lay the issue of MF to rest. Its not a very nice story, but i will do it all the same:

MF got married in December 2008. No, i did not know about it until last sunday and no, MF did not tell me about it. so a very "nice anonymous caller" called me to give me the info. Yes, i was shocked out of my brain, MF cant be that real.

anonymous caller gladly called again to let me know where to find the wedding pictures. very beautiful.

How do i feel? Hmm, thats a tough one but i will described it in a few words: i was numb, hurt, dumbfounded, stupefied, hurt. yeah, hurt.

MF found out about my blog somehow and read everything so he knew the truth about himself. So i know he will read this post too.

I am hurt and drained but gladly, am back on my feet. I am a great believer in "shit happens, get over it". so, am trying.

But i tell u this: it does hurt, hurt like crazy.

Lets see it as a fresh 09 just starting.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hey y'all, happy new year!
I have really missed blogsville and all my padi's, Luscious, LG, Rayo, etc (Everyone)!

Xmas was sooo much fun! everyone was around, all my good ol' padis were around, we were just faffing around all over the place, i almost fell ill when i got back to life i.e. Abuja, work etc.

Cant say much now but i must tell u the crappy thing that just happened, hmmm, e gbami o!

Met Twart (he actually has a name but Twart suits him better than his real name right now) at some family friend's house, nice people. i actually met twart in my first year at uni but didnt remember until later after he reminded me endlessly, so he got my number etc. that he is praying for a wife this year, i just laffed it off, twart actaully got serious cos he started doing funny stuff all over the place (which is so annoying right now).

now, dont get me wrong, am not pissed cos i took him serious, a serious guy doesnt start with so much gizz gizz when he just meets u, afterall, he never know if u be winch, abi?
ntywayz, unto what he did:

so twart started toasting me heavily, seirously talking about how we will try and not let distance be our issue etc, and i said "guy, take it easy, we dont know each other yet" but guy just dey rush. he was asking everyone he knew who knew me all sort of questions, started introducing me as his wife, i was just having a laugh, after all, its no sin having fun like that, hey, its xmas!

short twart started developing cold feet just a day before he left Ils town for lag. he said the distance thingi is just begining to dawn on him. i just said, not to worry, i dont do distance thingi's too. he said i should pls lets give it a try and not give up on it. i said we will talk later.

not to long things sha, guy got to lag, started toasting my closest friend whom he met thru me! as in guy begin dey talk marriage with am! na wa o! crazy just seems an understatement. i mean, what kind of person would do that?

ntywayz, i wasnt rooting for him so its not like i was hurt anything. of cos my friend reported everything, i pretended like i didnt know. thats how twart started calling me repeatedly yesterday, asking if i was ok, why was i so cold, trash, trash, trash. i said "guy, norin do me o, am so good". guilt dey chop am.
after he disturbed me sha, i told him i was gonna call him after church (make stupid twarts like him no spoil my prayer). so i called him and told him what i thot of him for the way he acted.
Biko, ask me what twart said? "I WAS ONLY JOKING WITH YOUR FRIEND, NEVER KNEW SHE WOULD TAKE ME SERIOUS"! begging me o, that he couldnt do that etc!
my pipo, i craze o! how can he say such a stupid thing?! afterwards, he started begging my friend that its true he really likes her that she can be matured about it, he doesnt want to cause issues between 2 friends.

ntywayz, to cut the crap short, na so i just turn am to laffing stock o! presently he has a special ring tone on my phone "AN IDIOT IS CALLING" everybody don laff tire for my office as the idiot still calls me!

will talk about MF jare, another post (not like there's much talk tho).

wish y'all a CRAP and TWART free year! lera men!