No, this isn't God's idea or doing...

Something is bugging me. Hell, lots of things are bugging me, but this just...... Unsettles me. And it's not even my problem. But it's eating me up.

I'm friends with an older lady. She's 40. Good xtian and a lawyer. 4 kids. Hubby is also a lawyer and pastor. 
Recently I learnt from a friend we had in common that her hubby abuses her. This isn't slapping you around kind of abuse. I'm talking about "hit me so hard it looks like I fought with a thug" kind of hitting. They've been married for 15 yrs and its been like that for a while. Don't know precisely when it started. 
Grade 2 of the abuse is that she has no access to her salary account. Yes u read it right. He holds onto her ATM and checks the balance regularly to see if she's spent out of it. He decides what they use her salary for! At age 40. 
He once threatened her that he'll kill her and nothing will happen. He actually asked her if she herd about the Skye bank lady that her husband killed her. 
Oh did I mention he's a pastor? Yes he is. He checks her up ALL the time at work. I just felt he was always in the area as he's also a lawyer. But he just checks to know who she talks to and where she goes.

I'm not sure I really blame the man. I detest him but don't blame him. I wonder why in the world she condones it! She never fights back. She can't report him to anyone cos that won't be respectful to him. And hear this, she's trying to be the wife that God instructs every woman to be. I didn't see anything that looks or sounds like allow ur husband to kill u in the famous Proverbs 31. 

Unfortunately I can't talk to her directly cos she didn't tell me, she told the friend we have in common all these. She just told me out of frustration. I wish I didn't hear any of it cos every time I see her my her goes out to her and I want to slap her at the same time. 
Today he hit her. He said asides her salary she brings nothing to the table.
After sweeping the whole house one day, he packed back the diets, littered the house and locked she and the children up. Her offence is that she didn't suggest that they buy his father a birthday gift. 
I'm convinced he's not mentally balanced.

I'm more pissed at the fact that she sees no solution to all these. That she covers his bull shit up. She'd rather pretend he's a good man. Cos she believes this is what God means by being submissive.
Somehow I just fail to see God as this person she describes. 

There's help. At least thats my belief. 
Its going to be tough but she can seek help secretly and run away with her children one day. Hell, expose him in the church. He shouldnt pastor anyone! But I found out women like this never seek help. They either stay there forever 
or snap one day and do something totally crazy and go to jail. 

I'm just sad sad sad. 

Her friend keeps saying no way out. Is that true? Pls do u have a solution to this? 

Appropriate name for your spouse

So, there's this couple's forum meeting we have periodically in my church. Just a place to rub minds and learn, all towards a better marriage. Good stuff.

We got to the point where the female speaker said its not good to address your husband by his first name especially in public. That it's rude and disrespectful etc. 

I totally disagreed. 

I know it's something lots of people frown out, in fact, I'm not sure any tribe in Nigeria tolerates it. I remember the look on my ex nanny's face when she heard me call my husband by name, it was funny. Na name you dey call am??? I'm not sure the look she gave me would have been different if I had slapped him,lol. 

I've asked him severally what he'd prefer I called him and he's told me quite honestly that he doesn't mind the first name basis. His fear earlier on had been that his kids will first call him by his first name before daddy. But it's never been an issue. Pet names are just.... What's the word I'm looking for now..... Predictable? 

I don't have anything against pet names, I just love first names. But I'm also mindful of the fact that society will interfere. I remember how my mil and I had this funny thing going on; whenever we chat and I say "Bubbly" she goes "you mean your husband" cos Bubbly and my younger brother are name sakes. But of course she knows who am talking about, that was just her subtle way of saying its wrong. Or she'll say "tell your prince.....". It always amused me.

But really people, what's the big deal? One of the speakers tried to balance it by saying do what works for u, but also you can't ignore societal perspection. 

I don't know. 

Oh, after plenty deliberations between bubbly and I, we settled on .... Wait for it.... Cupcake! Now where's that smiley thing when u need one. 

We had a laugh. He asked what happened to Bubbly, i said its his blog name. Oh he suggested Sir Chops a lot. Dude truly can eat! I suggested headmaster too. 

I called him cupcake like 5 times before morning. It was always cos I wanted a favour. 

So what do u think? Indulge us, what do u call ur partner?

Can I do this?

Just read an article on Bellanaija about a Tayo girl that lost a lot of weight. I'm so happy and proud of her but I also identify with the fat person she was.
I know soooo much about loosing weight; the dos and donts. There's a lady in my office who is really trying and I prescribe for her things she should do. Of course she wonders why I don't do exactly the same. Hmmmmmmm........

The year I got married, I enrolled in a gym, really tried to eat healthy and the idea really was to look beautiful in my dress. I kinda achieved that. But sadly, my heart and mouth disagree when I say I want to lose weight.
I don't have to fool myself, I know my problems. It all boils down to Indiscipline.

The control that cakes and chocolates wield over me is amazing. Heck it's embarrassing. I ALWAYS justify my reasons for eating cakes, ranging from my mood to my promise to skip meals or just "oh well I'm not like the fast being alive". And the moment I say am done, bam someone is kind enough to bring me cake. And when they do I don't say no, I keep them. I like to say I use it to entertain guests but I also know I'm the special guest of honour.

I hated my gym days. I'd get intimidated by slim girls trying to keep fit. I'd hate the instructor yelling "gimme 80 crunches". I wanted to see results immediately and I hated that people would say "omotee you're blowing up o" after boring vegetable meals and fruits and painful crunches at the gym.

I was really proud of myself that year though, it was the year I proved to myself that I can actually do anything I set my mind to do. Now I'm having a hard time finding that girl.
I'm a strong woman, an achiever but I'm so angry I'm not putting all my energy into losing weight. I've also examined my reasons for wanting to lose weight.
Yes I want to look fab. I want to wear nice things and feel good about myself. I want to be healthy. Doc already told me I need to shed weight before my next pregnancy so I don't get per eclampsia.
and maybe more than all these, I want to know I have total control of my body.

I know it's a long and tedious road to my achievements but I really want to try. It's a lot of discipline. Overhauling my whole life style. I can't run away from cakes, I know I need to get to a point where I see Chloe's cupcakes and just say nah babe, you dont need it.
It's just like an old friend who was trying to quit smoking  so he made the habit of keeping a packet of cigarette in his living room, like saying I know u r there but am not gonna touch u. 
i know to get on with it I have to:
- kill all the bakers in Abuja
- employ someone to slap me everytime I am about to take something unhealthy

Seriously though, I think I know all I have to do. Can I do them? Or can I trust myself to do them?