Friday, September 17, 2010

Best Break-Up Method

I appreciate all the advice you guys gave in my last post. Thanks. Hopefully, this matter has been laid to rest.

I had this discussion with some of my friends, all male on the best way to break up with your girlfriend.
I was of the opinion that the particular method does not really matter, pesin wey no dey do no dey do, u no fit force am.
I've always thot waiting for a guy to develop courage or time or whatever to tell you to your face that its over is like hoping for something that may not happen.
Personally, i have not met many guys who would prefer to break up with u face to face. The ones i know are the usual cowards (no offense) who would expect you to read the signs and move on.

Out of the 3 or 4 boyfriends (sometimes i get confused as to the correct number) that i've ever had, only one seemed to be bold enough to say he needed a break for a little while to "get himself together". The other ones pretty much used the "sign language" to break up with me.
What i've tagged "Sign language" usually occurs in the following stages:

- you always call him, he hardly ever calls anymore
- he is always so busy he hardly has time to pick your calls
- when he does pick your call, he apologises and asks that you pls let him call you back which he never gets round to doing for say.... 3 days
- he avoids every kind of meeting where you'll ask him what exactly is going on
-if you are lucky to find him at home or anywhere, he will make sure the environment is not condusive for such talks or he falls ill. Either ways, no discussion takes place

I know most girls prefer that a guy breaks-up with them face to face. Usually so they can have "Closure". Why this method is prefered, i really dont understand. I am not sure I like the face to face method.

I believe you should start suspecting something is really wrong when you get to stage 2. At that point, really, the game is over and waiting for him to tell you to ur face that its over is not really paramount. But hey, thats just omotee.

So the real question is, would you rather a guy broke up with you over the phone or via text message or via e-mail or giving signs or do it face to face?
Whats the best break-up method?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

EX Files Concluded... At least for now.......

Thanks everyone for ur contributions, they were all worth it.

So that same day, we had another lengthy argument on the whole Ex issue and again, for the upteenth time stated the reasons why i have serious issues with this particular ex.
So for a reason that i still have not been able to comprehend up till this moment, the girl called me. Yes, she did!

She called and introduced her self as "My name is Sisi" and of cos i went "Sisi who?"
"Sisi, Bubbly's friend".
"Oh, hi. How are u?"
"Am fine. And u?"

"Am fine thank u."
"So how are u and how the wedding preparations?"

What?! HEllo!!!

At that point i went totally blank, like, really, how da hell am i supposed to answer that? Whose brilliant idea was it for her to call me? Wedding preps bi ti bawo?
I told her i was in the midst of something and could she kindly call me back in 5 mins.
During that time, i calmed down so i would not react in a way i will later regret, get myself together.

So 5 mins later, she calls back and said:
"Am sorry for whatever issues i may have caused between you and Bubbly. Its just that I and Bubbly have been friends for so long and its strictly platonic. I want to assure you that I have no plans that will jeopardise your relationship in anyway. I am a woman also and wont want anyone to do that to me so i cant do it to someone else. He told me long ago that he loves you and will be with you, he always talks about you. Am sorry."

Calmly i said:
"Thanks Sisi. Kind of you but am just wondering, what brought about all these?" She said:
"Well i was chatting with Bubbly and he was asking me all these wierd questions and stuff. So i asked him to give me your phone number so i can talk to you."
"I see. Thanks then. Appreciate your call. Take care now."

Again i wondered, whose bright idea was this?!?!

So i had a chat with Bubbly and told him in unequivocal terms that I have no issues whatsoever with Sisi so the phone call was unnecessary, i mean, was she informing me about their friendship or seeking for an approval or what? He must have thot it was a good idea.

Anyway, the conclusion we seem to have reached now (at least both of them), conversations cut off as from that day. I sincerely dont know if they still chat or call or text and i dont think i want to be doing any 007 stunts on top this matter. i guess thats all i can do for now. Abi how i for do now?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Ex Files (Part II)

I'll just spill it out.

When it comes to exes, i (and this is strictly my opinion) believe friendship with exes are a no no. The only situations i think it could be permissible is when both parties have moved on in every definition of that phrase:
1. u r not hung up, crying and wishing he/she would come back;
2. u r not refusing to date someone cos u keep comparing them to ur ex;
3. u r not busy plotting (either physically or mentally) evil things that u wish would happen to ur ex;
4. u r not under some delusion that you are just friends while you make sure you have everything u used to have with him while u were still a couple

You have moved on when u have faced reality and picked up pieces of your life with a strong determination to let life go on in spite of the little or big hitches it brings ur way, its called life afterall.
Sure break ups occur in different forms, some more hurtful and hard to get over than the other. Also, every individual's strength is unique, some get over things fast and some dont.
But there's always the same conclusion: you do have to move on. A deliberate refusal to accept status quo is just unrealistic and somewhat silly.
Anyway, all these is just Omotee's opinion.

I'm not sure what word to use in describing what i feel about this ex issue: anger, concern, pity, beefs .... i have no idea. i just know it pisses me off sometimes sha.

Bubbly has this Ex and their "friendship" gives me concern. First i must tell u that i trust Bubbly to a reasonable extent, i love him like crazy and i trust him. however, i dont know how to pretend that some issues dont exist.
Bubbly was dating this girl and they broke off before we started dating. They were very close friends before they started dating and it went on for about 2 years or so.
Anyway, for some reasons they broke up, they both werent operating on the same frequency anymore plus she wanted to settle abroad and he wanted to come home and settle. etc

So they broke up. He moved on (i really really wanna believe). She has found it hard to move on even after he told her he has someone else etc She keeps calling to ask for his advice on EVERYTHING. what to do with her career, what to do when her mum annoys her, whether to date some guy who's been asking her out for a while, how to go about her NYSC, what business should she go into. etc EVERYTHING! I dont know what other stuff they discuss - maybe he wont tell me cos he knows how i feel about it.
And oh, she is back in Nigeria cos she was hoping he would change his mind.

When i discovered this (by going thru his fone, not snooping tho, scold me later), i asked Bubbly and he just felt it was ok for them to still be friends, he wants to "let her down gently" kind of thing. i was like: WTH?!?!
he still has some soft spot for her (i think i should have all the soft spots!) so he finds it hard to turn her away. at some point they were talking a lot during those mid night calls. i decided not to be cool about it and just said everything i felt about it: ITS NOT HAPPENING DUDE!

Why should your ex boyfriend who has left you and has moved on with someone else be ur next best friend and confidante? he keeps saying she finds it hard to get to trust people and make friends and she isnt close to her sisters and mother etc.

Truth is i dont hate the girl and i really wish i was her friend, it would have been a lot easier for me to drum some sense into her, she needs tough love not "soft landing".

Bubbly has promised me that nothing funny is ever going to happen but this isnt safe or wise for either of them, i am the only one for him etc. but i just dont feel comfortable or is this me being paranoid?

I made my feelings known, we argued over it a coupla times and i hate it when i complain or do anything that resembles nagging. i pride myself as someone who has it together (i pull everything about me together). i told him i was going to keep off it but if i smell a rat - there'll be trouble.
He has begged me to just let him handle things (its not like i will call her or anything) and i want to trust his judgment but just yesterday, i found out that they havent had the "talk" cos he is busy trying to help her register a business name for her; meaning: they have discussed and have come to a conclusion.
My ex whom i really loved and wished things would happen btw us but has moved on with someone he is planning to wed very soon is not going to be the only lawyer or friend who can see me thru every issue i have.

Ok. Quite a rant. I need ur undiluted and uncensored view on this.