Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The EX files

I sort of absconded for a while, the usual excuse of work, life etc am tired of repeating the excuses. I'm sure i have missed a lot. There was so much to write but somehow, i just could not. My muse went on strike i guess, lol.
Guess y'all been good? Chacha, thanks so much for asking after me, was so kind of you.

Lately due to some happenings and gists, there's been this thing on my mind and i'd like you all to give me your opinions on it. Its an over flogged issue i know but i still want to know what the general concensus is.

Its the case of the EX.

Is it permissible/right/ok to still be friends with an Ex?

When should your boyfriend's/girlfriend's/husband's/wife's friendship with an EX begin to bother you or when should you raise an alarm?

Where do we draw the line (if you believe friendship with an Ex is ok) or express concern when the Ex begins to feature a lot in the picture? Is it just silly jealousy or an actual issue.

long ass comments are welcome.

have a wonderful July


Anonymous said...

Welcome back o!... i beg no vex say i no ask about you, you hear?..*grinning*..

1]..Friends ni? friends ko? i beg close that chapter completely o!

2]..HA! when he/she begins calling at odd hours in the name of i-just-want-to-say-hi!...start confiding in him/her about the present relationship she/he is into & be comparing it with the one both of them had before..blah! blah! sista, that is when you begin to smell something fishy o!

3]...An actual issue because it MIGHT lead to infidelity...called rekindled love /lust!

doll said...

1. depends, preferably no, because okafor law has been tested and proven to be true over the years....the ex is an ex for a reason and should be exed...however, if there is a friendship, it should be the barest keeping in touch / thank God you are still on planet earth friendship.

2. you should raise alarm the moment you become uncomfortable with the frienship or alarm point is different from B's alarm point

Where do we draw the line (if you believe friendship with an Ex is ok) or express concern when the Ex begins to feature a lot in the picture? Is it just silly jealousy or an actual issue.

3. i'l draw the line at an occasional phone call or occasional hangout, nothing regular or consistent

SHE said...

Like Doll said, there's a reason they're ex.

No friendship except the barest minimum is safe.
Perhaps the occassional once in three months call, no confiding in each other, and maybe a very occassional hangout.


Fabulo-la said...

I personally dont believe you can be friends with an ex.
Aqaintances (sp?) maybe.
Friends i doubt it.
But even there a line should be drawn. Unless ofcourse u sef have ulterior motives.
But that is another story.

If ur bf/wife/husband/gf's r/ship with an ex makes u uncomfortable berra speak up.
No use holding it in.
In fact it will do you more harm than good sef.

Jealousy is never silly. Everybody has different tolerance levels for jealousy and if urs is low berra not to entice it at all!

onosetale(damsel) said... could be friends if things ended amicably

2.when they go on 'lunch' dates together or when they do things by themselves and dont include you...if it smells like a dog and looks like one its a dog!!

3.draw the line with outings ( dinner etc) with other ppl like friends


it is fine to be friends with an ex. Technically. If the relationship strays into an emotional affair then it is problematic. If the nature of the conversations would upset the significant other, then the 'friendship is dangerous' especially if interaction is reasonable.

However, there are no hard and fast rules. What might work for A, might not work for B.

leggy said...

i totally agree with the nitty-gritty tales of a housewife.

Myne Whitman said...

hey babe, lng time o. I didn't check on you don't mean say I no remember you sha.

Onosotale/damsel is close to my mind. When they start excluding you, then wahala dey.

Anonymous said...

There is absolutely no reason being friends with an ex.

However, what needs expounding on is if 'tis expedient to still be friends with the ex.

Oftentimes, if one has 'truly moved on' then, one will not even have the time (& or thots) of an ex for one will be busy with other 'issues' of live.

But, when one 'moves on not', then sub-consciously thots of the ex keeps raging in ones mind. Then also begins the justification of friendship with an ex.

NOTE: Not being friends with an ex does not in anyway mean enemity with the ex.

Omotee! said...

OH NO!!!!
typed a long assed comment now and they wiped it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

silly silly silly!!!!

sorry people, thanks for stopping by, cant re-write everything but i'll give me take on it. i agree with most of u

Omotee! said...

for me being friends with an ex is a NO NO, there's a reason why an ex is an ex

it might be permissible if u both have parted ways (for whatever reasons) and have MOVED ON! one cant have a relationship and the other is still single and shortly after u guys broke up u r still all tight and stuff and become each other's confidante. thats wrong

if u've dated someone b4, u've like the person, so while u r still nursing the wounds, u cant tell me the person is the only person u can share some confidences with. its just not tidy, why look for trouble?

Lara said...

1.For me you can be friends with an Ex, in as much you know where to draw the line.

2.When she/he start meddling into our affairs, then i would have an issue with the friendship/acquitance

3. draw the line, when he/she becomes the 3rd party and his/her opinion starts to matter

2cute4u said...

Sweet, it's what you woulda done for me..
But you sha owe me private gist oh..
Anyway, the EX factor is one that doesn't have a definite black or white..
It has loads of shades of gray..
I would say that there are some bonds that can't be broken..
You just have to make sure that you build your bond and make yours more special than that of the EX..
You make too much fuss about the EX, you sound petty, you don't, then it seems you're not interested..
Tread softly but firmly and work on your bond..
How you dey?