Friday, November 7, 2008

Response to Rape:

Like i said, the issue of Rape and Indecent Dressing has been highly overflogged already (woreva dat means) but for what its worth, our views are important, at least, some big lawyers still think its important abi? Lets reform Nigeria!
1. Should indecent dressing be a defence for the offence of rape?
The very obvious answer to this is NO!
so my very rich and careless neighbour leaves his house wide open and so i enter into it, steal his things and then i got caught and thrown into jail, my defence: he didnt lock his house.
I can assure u that somewhere at the back of my mind, i had always wanted to steal from my rich neighbour, the fact that he didnt lock his house was just some added bonus to make my stealing job easier. but then, i still get to go to jail, why?! bcos i STOLE!!! my neighbours refusal to lock his house, without conceding to carelessness is not a ground or an invitation for me to steal. i had the pre-requisite actus, i.e intention to steal from my neighbour.
i must add at this point that i am not an advocate for indecent dressing, i believe strongly in decency. to save repitition, more of this on 2.
2. In line with 1 above, again, should the Bill of the Senate on Indecent Dressing be looked into again and passed into law?
Again, a very strong and passionate NO!
Even after all the very serious issues that Nigeria has to look into and solve, the Bill on Indecent Dressing will still not be looked into.
What is indecent dressing anyway?
According to whose view and perception and beliefs are we going to base our definition of indecent dressing?
Can such person's view/perception/beliefs be universally accepted? i.e will it not offend some other person's view and opinion?
without going into unnecessary religious arguments, what is decent according to a muslim is very different from a xtian's definition of decency. and then, within the xtian circle, we start talking about what is accepted in some denominations, in my church for example, except u r a worker, u could wear almost 'anything' to church and if glares dont generally make u uncomfortable, then, u have no problems. meanwhile, if my father enters my own church, he probably will think satan himself dwells amongst us.
then we start talking about modes of dressing for some specific places. is anyone supposed to dress in iro and buba or suit to a club? or when a benin girl is getting married, will she be disallowed from wearing her traditional garb which could be likened to our modern day "tube dress"? do we seriously have time for this kind of triviality?
another main issue why it wont work, just like lusciousron said, the police will abuse it. i in my decent knickers (if its allowed) while jogging may be arrested (and molested) and then eventually beg and bribe my way to get out of a stupid cell. while on the other hand, a girl like me in bum shorts will be arrested but released so fast bcos she is Senator/Gov/Rich Man ............... daughter/girlfriend/niece! where is justice? in some cases, there can never be justice.
Anyway, no need to long things, we simply do not have the time, resources etc to start paying some already over fed men to start discussing this issue, we have a lot on our plates already!
3. Can a man be raped?
hmm, now, this is tricky!
the definition of rape provides only for a woman or a girl (dont want to start quoting the whole legal thingy). so technically, a man cannot be raped!
somehow, i dont just believe a man can be raped sha, i mean, he has the "controlling instrument" that cannot really be manipulated. its designed and created in such a way that makes it to be in control of affairs (even i am laughing).
the female organ on the other side, is built and designed to be at the recieving end.
on the other hand, if the provision is re-written in such a way that it includes "boy or man without his consent", then, maybe a man can be raped (still sounds funny tho, men always seem to consent to this).
4. Should there be an offence of rape between married people? i.e Can a man rape his legally married wife?
now, this is one other very tricky part!
hmm............ lets see.
i will give a full YES if and only if the couple in question are separated. if there is a legal separation, either a decree nisi or absolute, and then the man goes to where his wife (or about to be ex) resides and forcefully has sex with her, then, that is rape (or what they think should be spousal rape or marital sexual assault or somfin funny like that).
i will also say yes, if the husband has contracted some STD and has refused to be treated and still forces his wife to have sex, then, we could call it rape.
but when the couple are still together, not on the verge of some divorce or separation, they are in a state of what we call "bliss", how can we call madam's no and oga's cajoling and etc rape? somehow, the fact that there is not only a marriage, but a subsisting one in a state of "bliss" somehow does knock off the full effect of rape, i mean, rape?!!
we also must not fail to look into something important, if the husband has "raped" his wife, so to speak, will she still go ahead to sue him and expect the marriage to continue? in other words, is some "forced sex" ground enough to file for divorce?
what about the kids?
isnt the marriage some sort of proof for consent?
i will defer in my opinion if and only if, the husband is a total freak, who doesnt believe sex is good sex until he beats her, chains her, perform anal sex, introduce funny objects into her vagina or invite a third party (or 4th, 5th, 6th parties) into the show (without her consent tho, who knows, both of them might be total freaks) or generally, have "unnatural sex" with her.
ok, so, this might be rape of some sort.
(i know lots of u will disagree, let me know about it)
another issue is consent and its funny. abeg, is it possible to withdraw consent? at what stage?
i mean, guy is all up and ready and u know it, u wanted it sef, and suddenly, "stop, i cant"!
will it be rape if he continues?! not fair on the man o!
u may have to read the first post to have full import of this post.
would love to hear (or read) ur comments.


MissLove said...

this is my 1st time here and I think im 1st! how sweet is that! hehe...anyway back to read it :)

MissLove said...

I want in on the cute guy u sat next to!!!!!! anyway...norms & conformity make less sense to me as i grow older..not ready to rant!

Anonymous said...

I agree on 1 and 2.
On 3 - rape is more psychological then physical... I think. Just because my body wants to have sex does not mean I want to have sex. Just because a man's organ is hard(physiological response to stimulation) does not imply that he wants to do it. If he was stimulated against his will, then he was jumped on and made to have sex and he enjoys it physically does not excuse the fact that he did not give consent. I mean am I being obtuse. Rape is defined (American law) has sexual act with a lack of consent. just because the body responds to it does not explicitly imply consent.
On 4 - Cajolling and then saying yes is not rape, which is the scenario you gave. But clearly saying no and then being made to have sex is rape. period! A man can rape his wife and a woman can rape her husband.
Rape law is clearly meant to protect women from Men and not vice versa but I think it should be changed to protect both sexes.

simeone said...

spot on temite...the indecent dressing paper in the national assembly is a waste of time...just like u said..that the dude left his door open, does not make stealing right..its utter rubish for any couple to talk about rape,,where is the understanding and compromise needed in a marriage..and i think a guy can be raped o..its very very possible..if som1 uses physical strength to rape a lady...maybe a number of ladies can also force a guy to do some things..maybe not neccesarily intercourse...but that is also possible......
thanks o omotee,i'm humbled, i actually read it b4 u told me..have a fun weekend..


I agree technically with some of your points. However, I believe that a man can be raped. Maybe not by a woman, although some men will disagree and I am not knowledgeable enough to speak on that issue.

Men can be and are obviously raped by other men and if a law on rape in this day and age does not take that into account, that would truly be a shame.

Hope all is well.!

Buttercup said...

Hi babe!

U were on point with nos 1 n 2.

I also believe a man can be raped. As solomonsydelle pointed out, he cud be raped by a fellow man. And also in the case of a young boy being molested by an older woman. I know a guy who lost his 'virginity' at a really young age to an aunt. She made the poor, innocent boy have sex with her n he cudnt breathe a word of it to his parents. What do u call that??

I believe rape is havin sex with an unconsenting partner, yea? If a woman tells her husband 'no' but he still forcefully takes her, doesnt that count as rape?

omotee said...

yes u r first!
thanx for dropping by and i will fill u in on cutie at the workshop right away:NOTHING HAPPENED! he was just cute and fun to be with, finis! will tell u another soon tho.....

@temite, solomonsydelle, buttercup:
nice of you all to comment, u know i love u all.

ok, so we agree on 1 and 2. on point 3, yes, it actually does make sense to me (with ur erudite explanations, una get plenty brain o!)that a man can be raped. however, i would concede to the type where the male in question is a boy and/or when the offence is committed by an elderly man in authority (i read a number of military cases in court on rape by another superior male officer).
However, when its between two adults (man and woman), i still think its gonna be hard to prove.
but then, i am learning.

i agree with u (to an extent tho) on spousal rape, the marriage for me is some sort of consent.
thanx for stopping by sha!

Nefertiti said...

Okay, so you are literarily me in all your analyses. In your last post, I only commented on the sheer strength it takes to perform the act. I really didn't delve into the 'instrument' that controls the act itself. Bottom line is absolutly agree with all 4 points.

Now the very end, and this is where it gets tricky- withdrawal of consent. This is really weird, because it happens a lot. Many women do it very often- turning a guy on and then saying no at the very last moment, and while I believe it's unfair to the man, a no should still be a no, nomatter what point it was said (even I laff at this).

OluwaDee said...

I feel a man can rape his wife.

An abusive husband can. A drunk heartless idiot can.
U come home, beat hear, take off ur pants and put your thing inside her.

will a woman u just beat, want to have sex with you??????

On indecent dressing;
If I am going out with my hubby, my skirt can b as short as he wants it, and d neck of my top as low as he likes.
Is that indecent???

A man can be raped.

OluwaDee said...

I am the Dr's wife.

Anonymous said...

The only reason why u say a man cannot be raped is bcos u r looking at it in terms of saying sexual intercourse can only happen between a man and a woman. U r forgetting that men can av sex with men and women with women. I am not saying only a man can rape a man bcos it does not take much to turn a man on and he can be overpowered by strong women forcing him to have sex and in that case it will still be called rape.

Femi B said...

No means
Hey men can be raped by other men...but i see others have pointed it out.
these people need to figure better things like how to include women in the Nigerian constitution than worry about indecency dressing..i just made a post about this recently. It drives me crazy

Intimacy said...

This is some really serious stuff. But one thing i know is a man can rape his wife. It's crazy but it's true and as for the introduction of how many parties. I think his anaconda should be cut short so the reason for the introduction should be justified. I saw your comment on my dearest ibiluv. You intend to ride till he drops. Now the question is when do you drop and what if he doesn't drop? Cheers baby.