Remeber the stupid things i used to think and do when i was a kid. some i still have not forgotten, i got seriously walloped!
- remember one day, think i was 6, for no particular reason, i decided to shit (poop) in our car garrage. mum packed her car and saw it. before asking why, she beat the living shit (literarily) out of my life. i still wonder, why on earth did i do that?!?! the house had like 5 toilets!
- i had lots of aunts and cousins staying with us then and so the aunties fetch water all the way up when pressure cant go up. so after filling several drums, i decided to put like a few drops of pop's cleaning fluid (for his sax and stuff) in each of the containers filled with water (just to know what will happen). it spoilt it all and looked like kerosine and water and smelt horrible and oily. mum asked, i denied, she got to know and whooped me seriously.
- we used to have a little kiosk in front of the gate then, we sold petty stuff (to keep gran busy) including sweets. eclairs eyin alangba (tiny egg like multi-colored sweets), goody goody, gogo etc. i started stealing eclairs and eyin alangba then, i pop one at every opportunity.
on the day of reckoning, a neibors kid came over and saw lots of eclairs wrap behind the shop and asked if everyone who bought eclairs eat it behind our shop. asiri tu!! my yansh don open!
in short, mum found out. she beat me like a thief (well, i was)! even pop couldnt bear it and just left the house. after beating me, with the dripping nose et al, she forced me to eat "I give u food all the time" and gave me a newspaper where they showed thieves at a firing squad. she said "thats what happens to thieves, no matter what they steal, some of them stole N5 and see them now".
It worked cos anytime i got tempted, i just remember the firing squad.
- there was also the addiction of plucking fruits from people's house, ripe or unripe, we just had to pluck, usually on our way back from school (pri school). the man will chase us, screaming and cussing, we just kept doing it. somehow, i never got caught. interestingly, we had lots of fruit in the house, why must we steal?
- one man bred all types of dogs too, alsasians etc he didnt even have fruits. we just had to disturb the dogs to see if they could chase us. one unfortunate day, a fierce dog was tied loosely to a cassava plant, of cos it broke loose and chased us! while running, all i was thinking was "If this dog bites or eats me, my mum will probably beat my remains still". i cant remember why the dog left us.
- whenever it rained then, i always sit by the window, imagining that angels are gathered round a very big and mighty sieve, with God (remember He is big and mighty) pouring water into the sieve, and thats how it rains. i always sit there hoping to catch a glimpse of my imagination.
i am very very horny with nothing to do about it! unfortunately, i am ovulating and coming accross things that will stimulate me! oh what a day.