Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Ultimate Goal?

A few questions have been in my mind for long and each time i try to discuss it with my friends, i just get funny answers. I just want to know if i'm being naive or silly or unrealistic:

Does or Should marriage for a woman mean an entirely different and new life?

Ok, thats kinda vague, will explain, hope not to lose you.

Usually, the trend these days for us ladies is that we get married, ditch all our old friends.

I dont think it should be so.

I'm of the opinion that your husband can never be ur all in all. somehow ur husband cannot be able to fill in as ur husband, girlfriend, sister and all those things our girlfriends mean to us.
Dont get me wrong, I am all for marriage, in fact, i wanna get married like yesterday. i love men (yes i do!), i am a bloody romantic and all that. dont think this is one of those activism thingis.

I am also aware that when u get married, you explore another realm of your life, its so different, time and energy tasking and all that. Things cannot definitely be like when you were single and

But then, is becoming Mrs. So so the ultimate goal? Isnt there something more you want to achieve? isnt life going to continue? Is marriage all that there is to life? Does marriage magically turns ur life over and bam! u r a new creation?

For instance, when u ditch all ur friends cos u r now married, what happens to days when there's something u want to discuss with a woman? days when baby does this funny thing and u just want to talk to a woman about it? days when u just want to have good times with your girl friends? days when you want to get a certain recipe? shopping? ideas? etc???

times when u and hubby arent having it so sweet and u just want to talk to a woman about it? and yes, i know about all the do-not-involve-the-third-party-in-your-marriage-rule but God has created us in such a way that we cant solve things all on our own, u only apply wisdom on your choice of person to talk to about things.
So when these kind of days come, what happens? there's suddenly no one to call on because we left them out when status changed.

And then there's this funny issue. Your husband suddenly dont like your friends whom they knew u with in the toasting days. they dont want u to go anywhere asides work. its going to be war before u are allowed to hang out with ur girlfriends, am not talking late night parties o, am talking normal shopping, birthdays etc. Trust me, in this 24th century, i still see men like that!
these men suddenly think ur friends especially the single ones will corrupt u. these ur friends will suddenly be able to "spoil ur head", something they couldnt do when u were 18 - 23, this feat will be achieved now that you are 28!!!!!!!

i have a friend whose husband doesnt want her to keep in touch with me anymore cos i might corrupt her. poor me is in abuja and chic is in london o!
i also have a friend who isnt married but Oga dictates who she talks to or hangs out with via phone, in fact, he prefers that she is always alone, all the time. she doesnt seem to complain so whats my own, it only makes me wonder....

But really, i wanna know, is that how its meant to be with marriage?

On me and my cockroaches, since the day i did that post, i havent seen them o! Praise da Lord!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

I think.....

Being 'one-flesh' means BOTH parties having each other as their first confidants... That will not mean - clearly - that all friends of either party will get pushed away..... Just that they will not quite have the same priority they had before..

Marriage is no silver bullet -- there will be issues -- lots of them - to work through..All the support one can get will be useful...

Legislating on who wifey can and cannot talk to is taking it way beyond the limits of reasonableness!

bumight said...

oh, u hit a raw nerve!

"oga" dictates who wifey's friends will be, while he keeps his childish bachelor friends who are definitely going to corrupt him, and she cant say anything about it!

i mean, im not for anyone dictating who the other party's friends are. afterall, its supposed to be a patnership.

BSNC said...

i don't think it should be that way. Like bagucci says marriage is not really easy, so we need all the support we can get.

lol thank God for the cockroach incident..

Repressed One said...

No, i don't think i should be an entirely different one but it will definitely come with some changes.

I don't advocate ditching anyone but the reality is, the dynamics of a married woman and her single friends changes a bit..throw in children and there are more changes. Priorities are different. Focus is different...

Life is about changes...it is important that friends recognize those changes and adjust themselves accordingly.

A man dictating who his wife can be friends with is just 'tarded...what can fa? *hiss

QMoney said...

Well,one of my ex close friends got married recently and she auto became very busy and never having time for chitchats or watch movies or anything again......what i have realized what most people do is get close to fellow married women they feel secure cant snatch their husbands and then they can discuss baby issues with cos frankly speaking,a single girl is not d best person to ask for where to get good bargains when shopping for babies though they will be d best shopping partners cos they still got loads of free time....i don't think they should totally abandon their friends but it just cant be d same again,they have to 4instance cook every night when they prolly use to just hang out with friends and eat out......lemme not even go to when the kids start coming.i kinda understand sha

LG said...

lolllll omoge come *settle me o' na my praya pursue dem comot :-)

simeone said...


Omotee! said...

i agree, totally!

@bumight: yes o! the bible did not say "house maid or manequinn u can sleep with", its help meet and wife! tell them!

yes o, me and my roaches don divorce, i pray it stays forever o!

@repressed one:
hmmm, i agree with u a lot. of cos in the post i mentioned that marriage is another ball game entirely, with kids, its another planet but it doesnt particularly mean every other person or thing ceases to exist. thats just my view.

well said!

Omotee! said...

thats how my ex best friend ditched me too cos her husband who has known me since 100 level and we were friends suddenly think i am bad influence! anyway, thats their problem jo. In a short time, God will justify us.

@LG:u ke?!?! ordinary solution u no gimmie! u want to carry my hard earned money!

hey, whats good?

RocNaija said...

It's funny that as soon as I read the first few paragraphs I knew you'd been on the receiving end of something..

Sometimes it's hard to judge when you're looking at stuff from the outside in..

You'd have to walk in your friends shoes to know how you would react in the same situation.

Anonymous said...

infact i have a similar post about this in my draft!

LusciousRon said...

When I do get married, if I behave like that slap me pleaseeeeeeeee!


women should never give up their friends simply because they are married. Our friends help to make us better people. They might not rank as highly as our spouses or children, but they are a crucial part of our lives and should, generally, remain so.

Anyway, was just thinking about you so came by to say hi

Anonymous said...

Well the matter gan sef get as i be. i don marry and get a lovely cute girl and I still dey keep in touch with my pals. But then the place of hubby even come baby. However omotee, I don notice one thing and that is if you no contest for a post you no fit win in order words if your friend's hubby think say you no good when he dey date your friend omo when they get married na one time be the sack letter fa. Meanwhile, i won blame your friend small and my reason is simple she should be your advocate with the hubby and as she don fail beyond redemption on that end well sha omo o gba ka mu. But what if she tried and she is met to choose between you and the hubby, who go blame ham as she don choose hubby. So look at the bright side oh baby as it is good that you know where you stand fa. Jesus go to where he was celebrated not to where he was tolorated. So i beg shit happens.

Is being a while though I love the invasion of mighty insects.

Buttercup said...

Well said babe..

Buttercup said...

Well said babe..