Friday, November 23, 2012

Next life, I will be a man

I belong to some Christian ladies group on Facebook. And we all know where there are plenty women......

So a lady posted something I would call a list of instruction for women to follow. In summary, it says to make our homes lovely, peAceful, welcoming etc for our man. And that we should listen to him, cook, take care of him, stroke his ego and all the plenty instructions women are bombarded with on marriage. 
See vexing for comments o! I thot it was only feminist me wey dey always vex for that kain mata, I get senior vexers o! 
The author spoilt the whole matter when she added that if u dont do all those, there are other women waiting to do all those things and more. 
That very phrase is one of the reasons marriages don't work. Because we feel the need to eat shit so we can remain mrs somebody. Iranu oshi.
You should have seen the way my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

I know this issue gets an over flogging every other day but it annoys me each passing moment. 
Most marriage seminars, counselling sessions and the likes seem to focus on how marriage can be convenient for men. It's always women, women and women all the frigging time! Every erring man and women who validate crap is quick to wave the a-wise-woman-builds-her-home magic wand, the defence seems to work every time anyway. 

How about reminding the man to do his part all the time? To remind men that it takes 2 willing people not one enslaved woman to make marriage work? 
Women are expected to always be understanding, manage funds, work and still be super moms and wives. You expect me to go to work, face 3 times the kind of crap that comes your way cos am just a woman and still expect me to always be ready to give you a warm hug and kiss, great meal, clean home and kids, fuck like a minx (pardon the French) and always be good in every aspect. So who takes care of me? 

If marriage were about men jumping to the next woman who can do better then no man will be married cos there will always be someone better than u in one aspect. 
And no, this is not my excuse from performing my wifely duties or becoming the Proverbs 31 woman. Even she wasn't super woman cos the bible implied she had maidservants. That's why she didn't die in the process of becoming that woman.
Dare I also imply that her husband was a fine man who didn't threaten her with a 2nd wife and didn't give her crap. It's only fair since she's perfect, she must have had a perfect man too, abi nah.

As for me, I'd love to be tis woman as long as hubby is ready to be that man who worths her. Yep I said it. No, I didn't backslide. I'm just a woman tired of reading these plenty instructions.

Signed on behalf of angry women. Endorse if you are tired of these bull crap. 


Anonymous said...

I endorse wholeheartedly!!!! I honestly thought it was just me who was tired of hearing that bullcrap! Glad to know there are other women like me who refuse to be treated like doormats.

Oh and in my next life, I'm coming as a man too! :-)

moderator said...

Kim said...
Amen! I recently had this discussion with some other Christian women.

You said, "Dare I also imply that her husband was a fine man who didn't threaten her with a 2nd wife"

Many people probably are not willing to admit it. In the old testament most husbands were polygamous, so a married woman in OT would probably have been one of many wives. She(herself) might not have even been the first wife. Those maidservants were likely concubines who shared her husband sexually.

An example: Jacob had 2 wives, Rachel and Leah and 2 concubines, Bilhah and Zilpah. (Ge 30:3,9). Bilhah and Zilpah were maid servants. This is one example; there are plenty of others.

moderator said...

Solomon wrote and/or collected Proverbs and passed that wisdom along to his son(s). He was a well rounded teacher. He taught his son(s) about the disadvantages of being foolish. He admonished his son(s) to exercise wisdom. Then, at the end of Proverbs, he made sure his son(s) understood the description and value of a virtuous wife. In most Christian circles, males are taught to recognize and expect a virtuous wife. Solomon was a very well rounded and thorough teacher. He addressed the responsibilities of BOTH MEN and WOMEN, yet the Christian community often fails to follow Solomon's teaching example and address both sides. Far too many Christians have become comfortable and satisfied ONLY studying the description of the virtuous wife while OMITTING the rest of Proverbs and the valuable descriptions and lessons it has to offer.

moderator said...

Man of Noble Character
A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel. Pro 1:5
Reprove a wise man and he will love you. Pro 9:8
Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning. Pro 9:9
...a man of understanding holds his peace. Pro 11:12
The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered. Pro 11:2
A good man will obtain favor from the LORD. Pro 12:2
A wise man is he who listens to counsel. Pro 12:15
A prudent man overlooks an insult. Pro 12:16
A righteous man hates falsehood... Pro 13:5
Every prudent man acts with knowledge. Pro 13:16
He who walks with wise men will be wise. Pro 13:20
A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. Pro 13:22
The sensible man considers his steps. Proverbs 14:15
A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil. Pro 14:16
He who is slow to anger has great understanding. Pro 14:29
A man of understanding walks straight. Pro 15:21
...he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Pro 17:27.
What is desirable in a man is his kindness. Pro 19:22
A righteous man who walks in his integrity-- How blessed are his sons after him. Pro 20:7
A wise man scales the city of the mighty And brings down the stronghold in which they trust. Pro 21:22
A prudent man sees danger, and hides himself... Pro 22:3, 27:12
A wise man is strong, And a man of knowledge increases power. Pro 24:5
For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity. Pro 24:16
A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who makes haste to be rich will not go unpunished. Pro 28:20
A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back. Pro 29:11

The most publicized Proverbs are usually the ones about women and wives. However, Proverbs contains a plethora of wisdom and knowledge vital to the entire body of Christ - not just women and/or wives.

Note: A lot of the more modern Bible translation might use "person" in these verses. Older translations use the word MAN or HE.

NakedSha said...

Be 100% submissive to a man who is incapable of 100% honoring and loving you, make marriage comfortable for a man and expect comfort only at your funeral where your lavish ceremony guests call you a "virtuous woman" in past tense, bla, bla, bla. The world is a mens' resource center and a woman must go out of her way to keep it that way.

I believe in love, marriage, honor, respect and LOVE. Oh, I said that already. By "Nigerian" standards, I am NOT a virtuous woman. I do not strive to keep quiet and just pray if my husband beats me up or suffer in silence if my husband dishes out unwise decisions.

No, I didn't backslide and no I'm still very Nigerian.

Heck, why am I lying?

I backslid from man-made, patriarchal, women-demeaning Christianity a long time ago and I'm no longer Nigerian enough where being Nigerian = swallowing bullshit.

moderator said...

Many of the attributes used to describe the Pr 31 woman apply to men as well. Case in point, a virtuous wife will do her husband "good." As believers, men and women are admonished to "do good" to our enemies (Lu 6:27, 35). Hebrews 13:16 is another example where Christians are admonished to "do good" and to share with others.
The virtuous woman is hard working and not idle. Apostle Paul proclaimed the value of hard work and sternly warned men (and women) not to be idle (2 Th 3:6-12).
The virtuous woman's words are wise and kind. Likewise, Ps 37:30 states that "the mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just."
The virtuous woman takes times to care for the poor and needy. As believers, we are all admonished to care for the poor and needy (Ma 25:34-40).

The husband described in Pr 31: 23 is a man like Job. Job was known in the gates and sat among the elders of the land (Jo 29:7). I've heard teachings that say it's the wife's responsibility to make sure husbands is known in the gates. That's a myth and misapplication of scripture. This is not a wife's responsibility. Job was known because of his own actions. He assisted the poor and orphans. He helped those without hope. Everything he did was honest. He served as eyes for the blind and feet for the lame. He was a father to the poor. He broke the jaws of godless oppressors. People listened to his advice. These were some of the responsibilities for elders in the OT. Unfortunately, Job's wife was not a virtuous woman, yet that had no bearing on Job's actions because he was a man of wisdom and faith. Although it's not a wife's duty to make her husband know in the gates (like Job, that's a man's own responsibility), wives should not hinder their husbands (Pr 31:12).

As I'm sure you can see, I've studied up on the subject a lot, and it's extremely important for women to know this stuff. Women should be held accountable to do their part and so should men.

Be blessed and encouraged my dear sister!!!

Nutty J. said...

Omoteeeee!!! I approve this message!!! Tell them... Mscheew.

Moderator! Who are you? I gbaguan these scriptures gan...and I just want to copy and paste your comments on my blog. Hope I can do that...

Kim (moderator) said...

@ Nutty J

My name is Kim. I'm a blogger too. I usually don't list it because I carter to a very local audience.
I love the word of God. I've found it to be very liberating and encouraging. Like Omotee, I'm tired of the way some people teach God's Word in order to burden and oppress women or any other groups.

Feel free to copy and paste the comments to your site. I checked out your site, and it appears that you have some interesting articles. I bookmarked it. I intend to look at it more fully later. Thanks!

Omotee! said...

@ anonymous: thank u!!! Hope they just get it one day

@nakedsha: man made, very key. That's d koko of our problem. If God isn't interested in making zombies out of us, then every other person can gerrout with their unfair rules

@pastor kim: wow! Now u have made us really happy. I pray people like you get the chance to "spring up" and speak the TRUTH. I think Pastor, you and I are going beyond this...
Bless u and thanks for stoppong by

@nutty jayyyyyyy!
Mwah mwah mwah to u! Even I shall copy pastor kim's message to educate these pips. Maybe I'll become a counsellor too sef, lol. Good to see u here

Beulah! said...

In as much as i'm in support of the woman submitting to the man in all things, I also think alot of those teachings have to do with our culture. In the African culture, women are to be seen and not to be heard, they are regarded as lesser beings.

At the end of the day, pray that God blesses u with a good man who will not abuse u but will love, nurture and respect you even as you submit to him.

Becqui Nicholas said...

I believe in being a submissive wife but not to be treated like trash by a man. The role of making a good home is a collective effort and not just a" woman" thing. Just as it's every man's dream to have a "virtuous woman" for a wife,it's also every woman's dream to have a "good man" for a husband. Being a virtuous woman doesn't mean she should be abused and treated like a piece of furniture because,it's a "man's world".

My first time here and nice blog you've got here.

A-9ja-Great said...

Your post was obviously anger inspired and I agree with what you addressed.However,to have a good home,a woman must do all those things the woman listed.To have a good home,a woman must be virteous.To have a good home,a woman must be a lot of things.But,that's just one side of a two-sided coin because to have a good home,a man must also be a lot of things.He must be a'virteous man',so to speak.Finally,I won't forgive myself if I don't point something out though.Women are really the ones who make and keep a home,even the bible would show you that.They're more patient,more nurturing,more intuitive,more forgiven,ets.Though that definitely isn't a reason for any man to be less than a 'real man'.Nice blog you've got here.

Kwale Kreates said...

In response to the post above. We women KNOW everything you listed. We have been told that over and over and it's beaten into us from birth sef. Everybook on relationships is written for women. Now, you also talked about what a man is to do. How loud is that gospel preached? How many men feel the need to 'learn' to do that?

See what even you did. You mentioned what women must do...talked a little about what men should also do and quickly went right back to what the woman must continue to do.

IF only men would take just half of the responsibilty of making a relationship work then maybe, just maybe there would be more model relationships out there.

PS:I'm totally coming as a man in my next life too. Gba o!!!

sykik said...

My dear, when will someone draw up a list of what a man needs to do to keep his home. At times, I shudder when I read all this "dos" for women. kilode, abeg, there are women who have followed all these rules and the man is still an a$$hole. (pardon my french too)

Thanks for visiting my "yard"

Omotee! said...

Beulah I agree. If a man wants to go down that road, then he should go and pick a wife from the village. Even those ones don open eye sef. And oh, I already got me a husband who thankfully doesn't have that woman must do it all mentality.

Becqui, well said! Thx for stopping by.

A9a Great. Just likevKwale thot. U still just had to drum it in for us. Think next post we'll all just write u a list too.thx for stopping by. Come next post aii.

Kwale, double twale for u jor! Correct!

Sykik, I'm thinking let's draw up a list. Abi?

Myne Whitman said...

Moderator is really on it. GBAM!

As for what passes as Christianity in patriarchal circles, count me out. Thanks.

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