I know am not allowed to talk about my job, like our cases, but then am not their lawyer so technically, the lawyer/client priviledge isnt my biz now.
so its about a divorce case, i really do feel bad seeing divorce cases. makes me wonder why 2 people who loved themselves enough to tied the knot just throw it all away at some point, its especially bad when they are a young couple.
this lady came in heavily pregnant last december when she just filed the suit. she's got a kid for dude before, so she wants a divorce and naturally, her papers contain all the nasty things he's done to her and how he kicked her out, pregnancy et al.
dude gets a lawyer too and he also talked about how irresponsible she is, how she's got a controlling mother who is equally mannerless and a sister who leads a really wayward life.
one of his complaints is that he told the girl before they married that she had to quit her job at the bank. dude happens to be a business man who doesnt have much education. he says the mother-in-law keeps encouraging her to continue the job at the bank against his wishes and their agreement. etc. wish u could read the papers yourselves and see just how messy things can get between couples.
i wish i could call them to order and think of their 2 babies before doing this but who am i to say anything? i am a single girl, dont think i know that much about how marriage works, it still amazes me.
all these just got me thinking: if they had these much problems and serious issues, how da hell did they end up getting married and knocking themselves up to result to 2 kids?!
the girl is so pretty and young and u could see she really looks frustrated, she was crying the first time she came to court when her stupid lawyer was messing up her case and she was trying to get custody of their first kid, pending the divorce suit itself though. i couldnt help looking at her and pitying her.
i kept wondering what they were saying and doing while they were courting, didnt they resolve these obvious serious issues? if she truly agreed to quit her work at the bank why is she backing out on it? and is dude having these issues cos he is suddenly intimidated of her success and how much money she could make out of it?
when 2 people say they love each other so much and agree to mix oil and water (marry), why cant they settle whatever issues come their way? of cos there are lots of examples around us of how bad marriages can end up.
on a personal note, my parents tho not divorced dont have a good marriage, in fact, in ways that matter, they are divorced but still living together. they hardly talk and dont even care enough to fight anymore. this has been on for about ......... 20 years? sure it got worse over the years but its always been rocky. i've intervened and sort of lost hope on them, i think i just wanna ask my pop one day: if my mom dies one day, will he start crying and give speeches about how much he loved her? i think am gonna shut him up or just burst out laughing, that would be a joke.
did they love each other at all?
while i was in secondary school, i had a friend whose parents too had problems, were not divorced but theirs was equally terrible. they are separated. they came separately to visit her one day and didnt as much as say hello to each other, after 5 kids! how on earth did they get there?
i am not married so i dont know how to answer these questions. it makes me wonder when i do get married:
will we wake up one day and hate each other so much we want to get divorced?
will we have issues so bad i wouldnt care what happens to him and vice versa?
what if we have problems and am willing to sort it out and one day he just decides, no, he doesnt want to settle it, he just wants a divorce, what will i do?
do i have the ability to stay married forever?
am going to be 28 next month so naturally, everyone (including me) expects that i should be married or at least, be preparing serious towards it.
with all these things, what i have seen personally, i'm just scared of the idea of marriage when i think about the nitty gritty of it.
dont get me wrong, i do want to marry. i want to have a companion and be someone's help-meet. i want to have beautiful kids that i can train up one day. i want to have my family. the idea of me getting married appeals to me and its not just about the marriage ceremony.
but in spite of all these, i am scared of marriage. its really scary. there's not guarantee that this is how my marriage will turn out, that i will be forever happy with my husband. no certainties, just hopes and wishes and faith that it will turn out well. thats it. looks like a thin thread.
i and Bubbly had a big row on tuesday and we settled it all yesterday. it was a small issue that blew up into something else cos normally, we dont go to sleep without talking about whatever's bothering us, thats the rule. and somewhere in my mind yesterday before we settled it, i just got tired and thot i'd just quit.
i dont know why and how my mind entertained that thot cos i really love Bubbly. he actually said he thinks deep down i am scared of commitment. sure i argued that no, i dont. but maybe i do?
its all so scary. will i just easily give up on my marriage when problems come, cos i know they will come?
am i the only 28 year old female thinking this way?
these folks, are the thots in my mind this friday morning and i thot to share it with the one people who'd listen. getting pretty personal eh?
for those of u who have braved it and married (mrs. sydelle, enkay), i salute ur courage and pray that u'll never ever get divorced, no matter what.
for those of u who havent, pray u find the courage. i heard (and have also seen) that it does work out and marriage is truly a beautiful thing.
of course i'd love to hear ur thots.
have a great weekend y'all!