Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Today I let it all out... And it feels good

I spent a better part of my working hours today in writing an epistle to my father...

If you've been frequent on this blog, you might have known a thing or two about my family. Basically, its not the normal kind of family. My parents try to co-exist under the same roof, they hardly talk and just try to stay out of each other's hair. But of course, if there are loads of scores to settle between two people, minding their own business cant be that easy; there's always going to be clashes.

I grew up knowing the situation between them to be rocky and I never really enjoyed a close and loving relationship with my Dad. He's loving in his own way but very difficult and intolerant. Lots of issues that I have chosen to get past.

So Monday morning I open my box to find an e-mail, actually an epistle from him. It was actually written to an Uncle and then he copied me. Going into the details will take me the whole day to explain.
Anyway, i took the opportunity to express emotions that have been bottled up inside of me all these years.
Somehow I have always wanted to but then I calculate what it might result into: the accussations, ensuing epistles, plenty talks, more hostility when I go home etc and just shove it aside. My mum thinks its me being scared but its not, its just me managing the situation the best I can. At least I dont have to see him or talk to him that often and am grown now, its not like he's gonna flog me or deny me school fees.

It took me a lot to forgive my Dad for some of the things I held against him. I hated him and then later I just simply made him irrelevant in my life.
But all that's changed now. God could have a lot of sins to hang over my head if He chose to but He doesnt so I ought to be able to forgive anyone. Even my Dad. Plus when you refuse to forgive someone who has wronged you, somehow, you empower them.
Now I love him and pray for him but dont get too close so we dont have issues.

But today, after lots of prodings and encouragement, I wrote that epistle and expressed myself, without being rude. I dont know what it will cause but I want to believe its the best thing to do.

Last week I and Bubbly had the biggest row ever, out of anger we considered breaking up. It was so scary but thank God we settled the issues and are back again.
I know I want a very successful and happy marriage, I dont want to go thru what my mother went thru or put my children in such difficult situations. I may not have emperical knowledge about marriage but I sure do know it can work if both parties determine to make it work, with the resolve to both give it the sacrifice and tolerance it needs.
I also know it takes very little and almost irrelevant issues to destroy a marriage that has all the potentials to work.
Sometimes I get scared and wonder if mine will go down that way too. But most of the time, I assure myself that it wont because I want it to work and Bubbly is not my father.

I am relieved I did that epistle today.

15 comments:

2cute4u said...

I so hope to God that I am actually the first...
I'd call you to talk you ..
You're so strong I envy you sometimes..
You be okay honey..

SHE said...

sometimes, it helps to just let it all out. I hope it makes your situation better.

Anonymous said...

Glad you let it out.

Glad you settled the quarrel with bubbly.

Glad to know you forgave your dad.

Glad to hear, you intend to work at your marriage in future & won't let it be like your parents.

Everything would be fine.

Blessing said...

That was a big step...and I pray that it'll make things better btw u and ur dad!

I'm also glad that u work things out with Bubbly :-)...wish u all the best!

LG said...

it is well'





*babe wen ll u upload ya pix na, i wan c ya face :)

Myne Whitman said...

Marriage really takes commitment on the part of those in it, not just to remain but to make it enjoyable by both. I'm glad you and bubbly worked out your issues, it might make you even stronger.

All the best with your dad.

Nutty J. said...

Babes I understand how u feel...most people have daddy issues and it somehow affects their relationship.

You are right...Bubbly isnt Daddy...dont forget that.

Beef @ 2cute2: You will call Omotee and talk about this abi? I'd like to say I'm very jealous right now...

*side eye*

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

It is going to be well

Cast your burden unto GOD, [this am saying from experience]

Take care.

Seshe James said...

Nice blog am following you now.

Check my blog out

www.sesheajames.com

Follow if you like it. xxx

RepOne said...

Good thing you could let it out...some never get a chance to.

I pray the outcome is as you desire.

Glad you and bubbly sorted things out...

Omotee! said...

chacha: thanks for the concern and ur text too, as always, appreciate it.

she: thanx dear, at least my heart felt good

anonymous: nice poem! tank tank

blessing: hoped so too but am afraid not... but its ok anyway, thanks

lg: amen. i will. but who tell u say u go see my face?!

myne: u always know what to say, as usual. i'll keep it in mind. maybe u shd speak to my pop, lol.

nutty j: i'll always remember that they're different people (with slight similarities, lol). dont beef chacha, i'll call u one day too, when we finally have the blog register. over to u LG - wassup with the register anyway?

nittygritty: tank tank. ehen, bring plenty things for me from ur trip o, saw d pics. u don return?

sheshe: see u in a bit...

rep one: yeah thot so too, i dont exactly have the choice of life in my hands so am glad i got that chance. thanks!

Anoda Phase said...

"when you refuse to forgive someone who has wronged you, somehow, you empower them"...

Very well said.

I pray all turns out well between you and your dad/bubbly.

Tisha said...

great!

1 + The One said...

Hi Omotee, my first time on your blog.. Well done on your blog, it's lovely..
I kinda understand where you are coming from in terms of worrying about whether your marriage would be fine when your parents' are not.. I fear the same sometimes, nevertheless, just like you mentioned it's up to you and 'bubbly' to make your own marriage work the way you want it to! With God you can have an excellent marriage, He will make all things work out well in the end...

God bless you for forgiving your dad, that's one of the best things you could have done! :-)
I really hope it works great for you.. God bless you hun xx (Sorry about the epistle :-)

Miss A said...

Glad you and bubbly settled your issues.