Today I let it all out... And it feels good

I spent a better part of my working hours today in writing an epistle to my father...

If you've been frequent on this blog, you might have known a thing or two about my family. Basically, its not the normal kind of family. My parents try to co-exist under the same roof, they hardly talk and just try to stay out of each other's hair. But of course, if there are loads of scores to settle between two people, minding their own business cant be that easy; there's always going to be clashes.

I grew up knowing the situation between them to be rocky and I never really enjoyed a close and loving relationship with my Dad. He's loving in his own way but very difficult and intolerant. Lots of issues that I have chosen to get past.

So Monday morning I open my box to find an e-mail, actually an epistle from him. It was actually written to an Uncle and then he copied me. Going into the details will take me the whole day to explain.
Anyway, i took the opportunity to express emotions that have been bottled up inside of me all these years.
Somehow I have always wanted to but then I calculate what it might result into: the accussations, ensuing epistles, plenty talks, more hostility when I go home etc and just shove it aside. My mum thinks its me being scared but its not, its just me managing the situation the best I can. At least I dont have to see him or talk to him that often and am grown now, its not like he's gonna flog me or deny me school fees.

It took me a lot to forgive my Dad for some of the things I held against him. I hated him and then later I just simply made him irrelevant in my life.

But all that's changed now. God could have a lot of sins to hang over my head if He chose to but He doesnt so I ought to be able to forgive anyone. Even my Dad. Plus when you refuse to forgive someone who has wronged you, somehow, you empower them.

Now I love him and pray for him but dont get too close so we dont have issues.

But today, after lots of prodings and encouragement, I wrote that epistle and expressed myself, without being rude. I dont know what it will cause but I want to believe its the best thing to do.

Last week I and Bubbly had the biggest row ever, out of anger we considered breaking up. It was so scary but thank God we settled the issues and are back again.
I know I want a very successful and happy marriage, I dont want to go thru what my mother went thru or put my children in such difficult situations. I may not have emperical knowledge about marriage but I sure do know it can work if both parties determine to make it work, with the resolve to both give it the sacrifice and tolerance it needs.
I also know it takes very little and almost irrelevant issues to destroy a marriage that has all the potentials to work.
Sometimes I get scared and wonder if mine will go down that way too. But most of the time, I assure myself that it wont because I want it to work and Bubbly is not my father.

I am relieved I did that epistle today.