never mind the title, if i dont lose u, u just might see the reason for the title.....
sometimes i wish life and choices werent so hard, thats not new, we all do. but right now, i really really do wish i could just have this...
i keep telling people and myself i dont have a boyfriend, its partly true and partly....not very true. i have (had) MF.
MF and i met in Jos in the courtroom thru an old school mate. MF is taaaaaaaaaalllllllll, (of cos i fell for the height first), keeps a lil' afro, quiet, fun to be with, very very brilliant and intelligent, athletic, friendly in his own quiet way and one of the most annoying and insensitive men (so it seems) i have ever met. sometimes its as if MF was created for a sole purpose: to annoy the living day out of me! we can so fight, we can so argue, we can so gist and ........... imagine the other fun things we do. with time, MF was the only guy i was "seeing", literarily and literaly (woreva, spot the difference).
MF had (still has, annoyingly so) the power to melt me. whenever we had one of our plenty squabbles, he will just show up mid-day in my office, without calling, and i see him, i just MELT. and then he could go further by calling me by my 'oriki' and i just MELLTTTTTTTT!
i used to think i couldnt stand poems, until MF wrote me 2 beautiful poems.
we had all that, the sparks, chemistry, all that and we had so much fun together.
so we were rolling together, faffing around, gradually became an item which i denied every time 'we were just friends'. at work all my colleagues knew MF. theres my friend at work, Madam, she could detect days i had gone 'kwanagidaing' at MF's. i was glowing she said. it was all fun until of cos, the defining moment came..........
MF sort of talked the talked and then we had to face the one big issue:
before u hang me, i gotta tell u i am one of those people that feel u must have the same spiritual understanding. we could have all the sparks et al, but we would be operating at 2 very different frequencies, and it was still gonna cause issues.
MF of cos didnt think it was issue enuff, always lunched into the intellectual arguments of free thinking, belief in God, etc. MF never really opened up to me about his beliefs, which till today is so annoying........
so i made up my mind, things couldnt go on this way. there had to be a decision. a tough one but it still had to be made. we broke up and made up like a million times. well, actually, i was the one breaking up.
so i started looking for a serious distraction, someone or something so strong that will make me finally give MF up. either i did that or i wait for MF to serve me his wedding IV someday soon.
along came Mr. Nice........
i have known oga nice for about 3 yrs now. very nice man. so nice its so annoying. he is always so ready to please me, be the nice guy, complement every frigging thing i do, (if i mess sef, i sure say the guy go say the mess smells good), ready to do my bidding etc. just one basic issue with oga nice..
i do not like him.
funny as it may sound, i just cannot get to like this guy. he just never seems to get it right with me. i have never even hugged this guy, cant do it and for me, thats a bad sign. some of my friends think i should just try and like this guy, give him a chance, he is nice and knows what exactly he wants which is a good thing. of cos na old guy, he suppose know wetin he want.
so, kid bro is around, fell ill and oga nice just played his part well: he was very very nice. kid bro likes him already, which is a plus, kid bro never likes any of my guys. kiddy asked me what exactly my problem is etc..... why are lots of people on oga nice's side anyway?
by the way, he is short which isnt a big plus and............ not just it for me! is that such a bad thing?
Jacob i love.........
MF is a Jacob kinda (pls ignore the love part). Jacob annoys me and gets away with it. he tolerates my excesses, we just.........flow. i just like him.
Esau i hate........
Mr. NIce is Esau tho i dont hate him. i dont think i dislike him. i just dont like or feel him and dont think it can happen. it didnt happen for 2 yrs i dont know if it can now. whenever the guy attempts to hug or kiss me i flinch and i dont do much in hiding it. he even mentioned it that it embarrasses him.... woreva. dunno.
so right now, am confused, lonely and missing MF so bad, want to see him and yell at him and hug him and kiss him mindless.
gotta stop rambling. i know this is mindless