Hate Mail/Post

The holiday has been most boring, gradually ending sha and am so glad to get back to normal life, i.e, work, not like anything new coming up.

called MF today to say happy birthday, sent him a lovely text too.
just dis afternoon, MF called, or so it seemed. picked it, 'hello?' no response. then it got interesting.......

MF and some girl is gisting, chatting away happily or so, from all i could hear. heard her name... a chic MF told me nothing was up anymo (LG can hear u ask if i believed it), heard stuff i shouldnt have listened to, shouldnt have heard. i coulda cut da fone when i knew the call was either a mistake or..... woreva
But i didnt end the call, listened, got pissed, angry, jealous too i guess, i mean, i dont know jo. i just know i was pissed. but i am glad i did. reality either creeps on u or dawns suddenly and heavily on u, so figure.........

so i called MF, said hi, asked if the call was a mistake, started saying stuff like it was deliberate, he wanted to say hi but i didnt talk, was watching soccer........ crap, crap, crap! obviously lying and i just hated him at that point. told him it couldnt have been cos he couldnt have wanted me to hear all i heard.
some mins lera, he called and like 'if u knew the call was a mistake, why didnt u just end the call for me?'
am like 'i wanted to, until the conv started getting interesting, am glad i heard what i heard anyway'.
'and what did u hear?' Deut. 29 v 29
'try to remember what u really truly was doing' obviously not soccer like u claimed.
'ok bye'. click.

am pissed pissed pissed!!!!!!!!!
ok, shit happens, one of those crap that happen in life. learnt my lesson. there is more to life than MF! its a done and bad deal. borrowing afro's cliche : TOTAL FUCKERY.
i feel stupid and silly, dunno why.
its a phase jo.

MF can frigging take a frigging bow now!!!!!!!

happy independence guys. may we truly be liberated from whatever issues holding us, be it MF like issues, especially MF like issues!

Jacob i love, Esau i hate

never mind the title, if i dont lose u, u just might see the reason for the title.....

sometimes i wish life and choices werent so hard, thats not new, we all do. but right now, i really really do wish i could just have this...

i keep telling people and myself i dont have a boyfriend, its partly true and partly....not very true. i have (had) MF.

MF and i met in Jos in the courtroom thru an old school mate. MF is taaaaaaaaaalllllllll, (of cos i fell for the height first), keeps a lil' afro, quiet, fun to be with, very very brilliant and intelligent, athletic, friendly in his own quiet way and one of the most annoying and insensitive men (so it seems) i have ever met. sometimes its as if MF was created for a sole purpose: to annoy the living day out of me! we can so fight, we can so argue, we can so gist and ........... imagine the other fun things we do. with time, MF was the only guy i was "seeing", literarily and literaly (woreva, spot the difference).



MF had (still has, annoyingly so) the power to melt me. whenever we had one of our plenty squabbles, he will just show up mid-day in my office, without calling, and i see him, i just MELT. and then he could go further by calling me by my 'oriki' and i just MELLTTTTTTTT!
i used to think i couldnt stand poems, until MF wrote me 2 beautiful poems.
we had all that, the sparks, chemistry, all that and we had so much fun together.

so we were rolling together, faffing around, gradually became an item which i denied every time 'we were just friends'. at work all my colleagues knew MF. theres my friend at work, Madam, she could detect days i had gone 'kwanagidaing' at MF's. i was glowing she said. it was all fun until of cos, the defining moment came..........

MF sort of talked the talked and then we had to face the one big issue:
religion.

before u hang me, i gotta tell u i am one of those people that feel u must have the same spiritual understanding. we could have all the sparks et al, but we would be operating at 2 very different frequencies, and it was still gonna cause issues.

MF of cos didnt think it was issue enuff, always lunched into the intellectual arguments of free thinking, belief in God, etc. MF never really opened up to me about his beliefs, which till today is so annoying........

so i made up my mind, things couldnt go on this way. there had to be a decision. a tough one but it still had to be made. we broke up and made up like a million times. well, actually, i was the one breaking up.
so i started looking for a serious distraction, someone or something so strong that will make me finally give MF up. either i did that or i wait for MF to serve me his wedding IV someday soon.

along came Mr. Nice........

i have known oga nice for about 3 yrs now. very nice man. so nice its so annoying. he is always so ready to please me, be the nice guy, complement every frigging thing i do, (if i mess sef, i sure say the guy go say the mess smells good), ready to do my bidding etc. just one basic issue with oga nice..
i do not like him.

funny as it may sound, i just cannot get to like this guy. he just never seems to get it right with me. i have never even hugged this guy, cant do it and for me, thats a bad sign. some of my friends think i should just try and like this guy, give him a chance, he is nice and knows what exactly he wants which is a good thing. of cos na old guy, he suppose know wetin he want.
so, kid bro is around, fell ill and oga nice just played his part well: he was very very nice. kid bro likes him already, which is a plus, kid bro never likes any of my guys. kiddy asked me what exactly my problem is etc..... why are lots of people on oga nice's side anyway?
by the way, he is short which isnt a big plus and............ not just it for me! is that such a bad thing?

Jacob i love.........
MF is a Jacob kinda (pls ignore the love part). Jacob annoys me and gets away with it. he tolerates my excesses, we just.........flow. i just like him.

Esau i hate........
Mr. NIce is Esau tho i dont hate him. i dont think i dislike him. i just dont like or feel him and dont think it can happen. it didnt happen for 2 yrs i dont know if it can now. whenever the guy attempts to hug or kiss me i flinch and i dont do much in hiding it. he even mentioned it that it embarrasses him.... woreva. dunno.

so right now, am confused, lonely and missing MF so bad, want to see him and yell at him and hug him and kiss him mindless.

gotta stop rambling. i know this is mindless

Right now i am sooooooooooo full of things to right but the stupid internet guys have decided to mess me up! i am at a cyber cafe! it is very annoying.

i have gist on work, beefer (work related), MF again, basically, issues...... plenty plenty.

i miss luscious ron, rayo, afrobabe, buttercup, ladyguide etc, just realised how much reading ur blogs mean to me (and of cos how y'all keep me from doing serious work, now i have internet hours for myself, when of cos they decide to make it work again!) *sob, sob, sob* make una head no swell o!

i have blogs to read, lera men!

For Girls Only, Keeping Mr. Man

I read some relationship book a long time ago, when i still used to read them, stopped for a while now cos, well, i still havent found the right bobo, e never gree come and then, sometimes, those methods dont work jo.
ntywayz, i stumbled on this old jotter of mine, i actually wrote down what the writer labelled as pitfalls, even i trip for me!

so, for lack of nothing to do now (i actually have a brief staring me in the face but right now it looks like greek and latin) and for lack of better thing to post (yeah right) i shall give u the tips/pitfalls. some of us are actually guilty of them. and some of them aint so baaaaad abi? u tell:

1. making the first move
2. saying i love you before he does (well, kini big deal?)
3. sex too early in a relationship (ok, when is the right time? 1 yr, 5 months, 2 days?)
4. neglecting self development
5. sharing too much too soon
6. failing to keep in shape (find a man, keep the man!)
7. asking a man to marry you (were!)
8. dating married men
9. playing house with a man
10. spending too much time with a man you just met (now, thats hard, what if he is sooo fine and sooo nice to be with?)
11. refusing to let go of an Ex
12. trapping by getting pregnant (ode, were, foolish!)
13. becoming over-possessive
14. trying to re-make a man
15. unnecessarily fussing and nagging
16. failing to practice proper standards of hygiene
17. failure to appreciate the revealing and defining power of time (well.......)
18. failing to love yourself before expecting to be loved
19. neglecting to look your best at all times

so, those are the ones by the writer, i have these to add, i sabi small:

20. sticking with mr. mike tyson (the beater) why on earth do girls stick that?!!!
21. sucking up to his rude siblings so he can marry you (i appreciate the place of respect but then, pls!!!)
22. neglecting your own friends to be with him all the time (ok, its easy to do that cos our girlfriends dont kiss and touch and make our hearts go gbam gbam, but its wrong)
23. telling him you hate all his friends (diplomacy, even though u do)
24. emmmmm................ add ur own

PS
i and MF sort of made up last nite, i am still debating if that was a smart thing to do considering............
MF means Male Figure which means the guy currently reigning in my life while i dont have an active boyfriend. i keep telling myself am not MF's girlfriend. stupid, foolish... i guess
i will give u full gist of MF in another post.

Am back

Have been away from work and life generally since last tuesday, i went for the trip to kano and then came the wahala.........



Kano is.... not a bad town sha, very hot, very muslim, i was hoping and praying subconciously that i see a simply dressed lady, i was putting on pants and shirt, very decent but u know the feeling. saw worse later so i felt better. They were really quite friendly folks. had a lunch at a place called pounded yam and co, would have called it lovely but fever was already setting in so the taste was somewhere between sweet and sawdust.

would have said i had a great time but the journey was far from smooth. by the time i finished my buss, it was close to 3pm. of cos at the car park, agbero lied that they were almost complete, had to pay for 2 just to get out of the place. was coughing so bad with some thick sputum (yuck, yuck, yuck!) and chest pain. got home late and fell very very ill. hospital pronounced losts of things from the test, malaria and pneumonia (mba, God forbid), plenty drugs, plenty injections, my bum aches like mad right now.
got 2 nice docs to myself, hmm, how nice. one was very very nice and caring, always wanted to date a doc but sha. and NO! i didnt do anything silly with either docs, so just relax.

ntwayz, most importantly, i am back on my feet, am fine now, i can kick asses now and am just so so grateful to God.

boy drama!

ti su mi joright now, i have a king sized headache, guess its cos i dont want to be at work, and then, most annoyingly, am on my way to kano 2mrw! i am sure someone reading this has a gun, can i like hire it? need to shoot my office folks!

una see me see issue o! had plenty things to get angry about yesterday.
issue one:
there is this bros who believes he is asking me out. why not, i havent even acknowledged his toasting but cant discard him just yet (or so i thot) cos he likes to take me to SFC and Biobak (na u know o, cast the first stone make i see).
so last nite he came over to come say hi, first time in my room, bros can so talk!!!!! Jesus Christ! and if na person wey im gist dey sweet, e for good o! the guy discusses just one topic: HIMSELF. he can talk 5 mins none stop, doesnt matter that u havent replied, he just talks about him, him and him. Geez! he knows nothing bout me o, he doesnt ask cos he is busy telling me the very very boring details of his life, like i bloody care! after he talked for about 20 mins, he asked to see my pics, more talk bout him, even in my pics! right there in my head i went "omotee, to hell with the SFC and Biobak, u have officially discarded dis bros"! bros likes nothing other than the sound of his own voice and if dem ask am, he go say im dey toast me.

2 other important knock offs bout bros: height issues (short), not very good englis (by dat i mean the very bad type).
he is sooooo out of my face!

issue 2:
guy was my friend in uni days (for lack of better word), we gist in nite class et al. guy is just there sha, my friend, but i can relate well with guy.
so last month i jam guy for abj and we like "OMG, na u be dis?! lets hook up!" guy even stays in my area, so once in a while, we hook up and gist.
guy meets babe in my crib, babe is a very fine girl, cocacola kinda shape, the handy type, all d works. guy, naturally begin like babe, etc.
guy told me he likes babe, what do i think? like am sposed to say he shd not toast babe?! no get me wrong, babe na nice chic, to da best of my little knowledge. i and babe were friends in sec school. ntywayz, am like "u wanna ask babe out?" said yes. babe is a nice girl, told guy that. but at that point, guy wasnt particularly using his head to think, he used male equivalent to brain (of cos u know what i mean) to think.
guy has just started asking babe out and he is already having issues!

b4 i bore u to death, to crown da whole crap, last nite, guy called me like 9.45pm to say he dey downstairs. for ol times sakes, asked guy to come up. took guy anoda 1hr to do that, which is just annoying. dat i stay alone doesnt give nobody d rite to think they can call me up anytime,but then, i no blame am, there is the IGNORE device on every fone, i shda used it.
ntywayz, i let guy know i didnt apreciate d late nite visits cos i was ready to sleep (well, watching grey's anatomy at the mo but dats like my me time!)
guy said sorry, but dat he had somfin impt. to talk bout, of cos its about babe. he goes "omotee, btw u and me, i think babe is an opportunist". in my head i thot "how much as she asked him to bring?"
asked why and guy went on to talk bout how babe asked him to drop her somewhere, wait for her, use his fone, take her somewhere, buy her credit, blah, blah, blah. and am like "ok, is dat d def of opportunist?". oh, i forgot, he said babe recieved lotsa fone calls from guys and he got jealous and that babe said someone was her oga and he doesnt think so, that he said them looking at each other "knowingly".

i aint exactly excusing babe, i think. but hey, i got my reasons ok.
guy tells me and every plus babe dat he has a wifey in UK, has her pic all over his fone and lappy. babe knows all this and u r asking babe out o, biko, is babe sposed to take guy serious?! i mean, its like ur married boyfriend telling u not to worry cos he has problems with wifey and will soon divorce her!
of cos, big mouthed me (plus he broke my sleep, i can tell him anything!) i asked him what exactly he wanted and why was he telling me all the plenty stories.
he said he wasnt expeccting babe to behave like dat cos he really likes babe and was hoping for plenty things, he wants to get married (yeah, my ex said so too), he even made babe talk to his elder bro and told his friend that she was his wife! hello, they met like mid last month! he was thinking of ditching girlfie for babe.

then i started my lecture.
1, guy, u dont have a girlfie or fiancee.
girlfie is in UK, the sposed rel startd over the fone. he hasnt seen girlfie in years, he says and believes girlfie and her folks love him and want him to abandon life and move to the UK cos of girlfie (yeah right, like he is dangote + denzel washington). at the same time, they want him to chill cos girlfie is 21 and is in uni and u are agbalagbi! plus girlfie doesnt even call guy that often. yet my guy carry picture decorate all over, if na me, i go wait make e tell me real story?! hell not! perhaps guy don chase better babe away with picture sef.

2. if u ask every fine girl out just cos they are fine and ur other brain ask u to do so, u go soon carry mammy water. chill out and be babe's friend first. then u get to know a little bout her (b4 u call her gold digger) and then ask her out.
u never even sabi babe and u wan make she throway her fone already?! my guy hard small o!

3. shut up and grow da hell up already! (ok, not in those exact words tho)
i hate it when a man talks like a girl! all that plenty talk on top wetin?! personally, i find it hard to stick a guy who talks too much! guy talked for over 45 mins fa!
u had to be with me last nite, Lawd! i wanna die!
and then he went on to talk bout how emotional he is, and that he can get emotional bout things, its not easy for him to just discard his feelings. plus he is a man now, and girlfie has not been around to satisfy his needs as a man. so its really "hard" for him. b4 he will start crying, i intended sending him away.
i see, that was what the story was about, sex! u see what am talking about?! do u all get me?! puhlease!
if i were babe sef, he can be nothing other than my credit and rides man, before i sack his silly ass!

ok, plenty story. i learnt one important lesson tho, i will never pick calls of pipo i dont wanna see at nite again, its not a sin jo! o, and he said he will call me today after work so we can hook up and talk some more!
emi ke????????!!!!!!!!!!!1 God forbid!!!!!! i cannot have bad luck twice, and def not on 1st of september!

happy new month guys!

nba conf

been ages since i posted any (who cares), blogs like rayo's has been keeping me busy and amused!
so i went on 2 wks leave, had the boringest of moments, came back to work and was bathed into another more boringest moment. then came the NBA conference.
conferences of any kind make me feel......... dunno how to explain it.
the first day of the conference, i tried to pretend like it was my thing, listened (tried) to all the welcome addresses, i really enjoyed Modibbo of the FCT, the guy didnt have a prepared speech but was intelligent and brief. others were ok. they lost me when some white folk came up. am like "Oyinbo ke?!" what da hell does he know bout Naija? no be say i no hear english o, i hear am, i fit form am sef but hey, white folks bore me when they try to talk serious talk. after then, i practically how to translate what they were saying from greek into english and then comprehend.....so i left the place!
since then, i was either faffing around with my equally jobless friends (i know she is reading this and hates me now, too bad), meeting old friends, seeing old nuisances who have still refused to change, meet some important snr lawyers and behave like i care about them, my cheeks aching from fake smiles etc
as u can see, it was crap, crap and more crap.

i have lots of things in my head that i want to write about, i dont just seem to think i can put it down

housewifing

i don begin dey hate dis leave o! i am almost always usually bored but this is different. this week, i have been MEGA SUPA DUPA EXTRA BORED!



it just keeps me wondering how anybody will concede to the idea of being a housewife! pls dont get me wrong (trust me, i can hear it all, and see the daggers too). at this age and stage, except u have a baby to nurse or want to stay home with ur very young kids, i cannot, for the life of me imagine why anyone would one to be a stay at home wife, its crazy! i almost ran mad.



I must say that am not in support of the 6am - 9pm work arrangement of women (single, married, mothers) and i feel gradually, the world is gearing towards anti-life (for lack of correct phrase) the fast growing ultra-modern (borrow me english) doesnt support the growth of a relationship, marriage (honey long time, sorry am too tired for sex, cant cook grab a pizza), family life generally etc and thank God (kinda) for the invention of cell phones, i can convinently tell oga am at a late meeting while i am getting a quickie with my fine colleague (i no do am o), afterall, oga sef for don tire when we reach sef. its just crazy!

but i digress, back to main point.



In spite and despite my campaign for what i might call real life, i will never be able to understand why any man would want to camp his wife at home. more so when most men do it for the most selfish reasons. some men (usually) are simply scared of success, their definition of being the man to them means they have to have more money to subdue and suppress you, you cant buy or do nothing without them. some just have issues sha. whatever the issues, its all just bull crap!

In Memoriam

Oluwakemi Folaranmi

my darling friend.

16th August would have been your birthday but now you are gone

just felt like you'll always be around,

we had such great plans this time last year,

we were going to be through with NYSC on the 14th of August last year,

we were going to be great women,

we prayed and dreamt good dreams together.

we had very little but great times together.

remember how we will buy corns and "ube" and eat it on the main road

cos it will be too cold by the time we got back home or the office,

and how u will always say "fimile jare, talo n wo jero mi?" (leave me alone, who is looking at me)

when i tell her we cant eat corn on the road.

remember how u used to encourage me when my boss annoyed me with all his wahala

how u had an answer and a sweet word for everything,

how u brought out comedy in terrible situations i found myself in.

remember how u used to console me when boyfie was turning my life upside down,

how u used to tell me things will work out well,

and pray with me.

remember the last time i saw you, January this year.

how could i have known it was the last time?

your pretty face still hunts me, your lovely voice

i still cant delete your phone numbers,

cant delete your name from my messanger.

it still baffles and hurts me to realise that you will never pick my calls again,

that you will never talk to me again.

Oluwakemi,

i only pray and hope that we meet again with our Lord Jesus.

I love and miss you sooooo much.

sun re o!

ironically

forgot to add, the person in question (refer to anger management) bears a name i intend to give my first child, such an adorable and beautiful name. i call the name with so much passion (except of course when am in a rage). irony of life

PS

MF and i broke up i think. it had to happen but i didnt know how or when, so i just allowed it to happen on friday. my hormones were on a rage so i was in a total state of disaray, but i keep telling myself it was better. God i hope am right.

but i miss MF sooooooooooooo much! i almost want to call him. want to hug him and play with his hair, i want to.............

aint no point. (sob, sob, sob)

anger management

worry not for i have calmed down now.
this morning, i was on a rage! office issues. and i am on leave fa!
so i woke up this morning, like a good girl, managing my cramp issues and prayed very well to start my day right. i probably oforgot to ask God to divert the trouble seekers away from my path.
dont want to go into the main issues, but then, i asked my small oga concerning the leave and it was resolved, or so i thot, next i knew, i got a semi-stinker from another colleague entirely! (remember, office beefs?)
i was MAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!
i knew the proper thing was to listen to good music and calm down until later, instead, i allowed the devil (i knew it was the devil) to possess me small. i probably forgot to mention that i have a degree in stinker sending? well, i put my skills to bad use, i.e, wrote the very extent of my anger, well, ok, i expressed my displeasure in a stinker kinda manner.

nywayz, while i felt (still feel) justified to do so, it really does a lot to calm down when people try to send u into a rage. sometimes, u do as much wrong as they have done. in yoruba we say "ejo la n ko, a ki ko ija" (sorry, my translator is lost for now).
of course i dont really regret getting that mad, but i will calm down next time.
but sha o, make nobody try that thing this week again o! my adrenaline is on the HIGH!

leave is begining to bore me jo, i don tire!

later men!

so far....

so far, leave has been good, no mad rush to leave the house, can sleep and wake up anytime, not like i can sleep past 7.30 am at the most but its been good sha. i miss work like crazy, didnt know i loved work and my colleagues so much, except the very annoying ones sha, its been a breath of fresh air.

am still basking in the joy of my new house.

MF and i are still together (sounds ridiculuous to me too), dont know what it is we are doing. but i really like MF and i hope a disaster doesnt happen b4 we find something to do bout ourselves. nywayz. we are having loads of fun, all my friends love MF..........
think am ranting, nothing to say i guess,

peace out!!!!!!!!!!

good news first! am on leave! ok, its just for a week and i have been thinking of what to do with my life for a whole week without work! of cos i have been to the office today sef! i just dey do fine girl all over town, looking so good, y'all should see ur girl!
nwayz, nothing much has been happening. i have been BROKE!!!!! so broke i am about to break into a bank but then, the thot of prison aint that appealing so i will just pass.

weekend was ok, just....there, nothing spectacular, was broke so i just stayed at home and did house chores till 4pm when i went to church.
church on sunday was boom! i dance like say God dash me lexus jeep, twas so nice. hope i mentioned that i do love church?! the music, effizy, etc (ok, i aint that vain but u know, its part of it).

about internet drama, na wa o! some guys just no dey sharp, for want of the appropriate word. guy was my senior in uni, met my friend from another uni and guy liked my friend but guy was very 'born again' then so the idea of toasting to him must have been a sin, i guess.
and suddenly, guy just got my number and started asking bout my friend. i gave him her number plus little details i felt safe with giving. ges wetin guy come begin dey ask me o, he went:
'.... pls give me her email'
me: guy, use d number now
guy: no, i want u to call her first
me: why, just gave u her no, do the rest now, but sha, if u fit send credit, i go call am (yes i did)!
guy: u no serious. tell me bout her, what school, how many years at the bar, age, grade in school.....
me: guy, what did u think the fone number was for?
guy: .... tell me now, pls. tell me bout her family, how are they in their home!
'o boy, na so i kolo o! if i had kept him on, guy would probably have asked what colour of pant she wears! her family! what da hell!
nwayz, told guy to go do the rest like men do, i cant toast for him.
guy now spoilt it all by sayin 'i may not go on if u dont tell me o'!
dat moment, i just lost it and gave him the very unrenewed version of my mind and told him exactly what i thot of him and gave him my unsolicited advice of how i think he should grow up and be a man!
not nice but i dont care. wetin sef, what was i sposed to say, tell him everything i know about her just bcos he MIGHT be asking her out? of cos i told him she wasnt exactly waiting for the miracle of him to happen and he can just hop to hell.
i dont think i even want my friends to date confused babies like him. afta dem help am toast, dem go help am do the doodie too??!!!!!!

afta men.....

Drama on the Net!

today is been fun! i refused to do anything meaningful today at work, went to court and came back and been on the net since!
na one yeye boy dey find my trouble o! he wants to toast my friend and he dey talk rubbish! 2mrw jo.

Fab wknd, crazy week

Hey, been a while init? like anyone cares!

Had a very very fabulous weekend, think i said it already. hooked up with my girls from sec school, havent seen in 8 yrs, we are all grown assed women now and all so single, at least, i aint the only single girl in town! so we had lots of fun, talking bout the good ol' days, who did what in school, who smoked what, yadi, yadi, yadi.... twas a really wonderful weekend.
MF and friends came over too, cooked and had fun too. seeing MF on a sat and sunday consecutively is a plus, he is always so "busy" and "tired" and has to play football. it gets me wonder when exactly i will start obeying Greg ( u know Greg of he isnt just that into u). i really should leave MF until he is sure of what he wants cos i know what i want (yeah right)! nywayz, MF and friends came over and it was all so fun and lovey dovey and now we are back to status quo! dont let me bore ya.

went to lokoja for a matter yesterday, came back today and i am WONZED! i really really do hate going to that lokoja, apologies to indigenes but its just such an annoying town, they havent been blessed with governors who care about that town. my trip there always reminds me of my NYSC days when i had to be going thru Onitsha, those were horrible days! really, those high up there should find a way of improving their states! i mean, isnt it gonna be to their credit if they do?! nwayz, dont intend to be a politician or turn this into some political blog, am just sincerely concerned.

the case was ok, not like the matter went on, those bloody defendants reeally dont want to work on the case. u should see the lawyer on the other side, old man like dis. d man dey make me laff ehn! first and 2nd time wey i go for d mata, come see shakara! na so so pose pose d man go dey pose for court, dey pose for me! na old man o! e fit born me for d profession sef, to move ordinary motion, e go talk and talk. e no know say, na me be d most junior lawyer for our office, dem send d smallest sting, am just a tip off d iceberg and then he go dey pose for me! trust urs truly, i dey take am shine well, well. no be lokoja? see urs truly blow big grammar for court, i no send d judge or anybody, i be small lady lawyer from abuja and all their posing no reach my own!
nwayz, d case dey annoy me right now and trip to lokoja isnt exactly trip to gwarimpa, its annoying. i don adjourn am till 2nd Oct. i get work to do on it now but i simply do not have time for it!

good to be back home/office. i always miss my office folks safe for just 1 person, office beefs dey o........ someone keeps getting on my nerves and am praying for an opportunity in which i can give a piece of my very unrenewed and undignified mind. Jesus don save me but dis e get people wey go always make u ressurect dat part wey i don kill, make person no tink say i be walk over! details later

mum still around, we are both going to be dead tired tonite so she wont ask me aw far with bobo gist. make everybody just free me jo. everyone seems to like to say "...., Oko lo ku bayi o, iwe to ka ti to, lo mu oko wa le" (na husband remain o, u don read book reach now, go bring husband).
make dem too try submit man for verification, abi?!

onto better (or worse) things, i am very tired and i need a massage! MF doesnt give massages, he is always tired, he only gives massage on one particular part of the anatomy (na u know wetin u dey tink o), not like i mind if its once in a while but u know, sometimes i just want to be catered to. the other candidate for this job is far away, na wa o!
i dey carry my issues go jo!

how annoying can it be, am at work again on a saturday!!!!!! Oga just called me now making sure i am putting finishing touches to his work, if only he knew. and then of cos, he asked "awon boyfriends wa nko?" (how are the boyfriends?). how da heck am i sposed to find any if am at work on a sat at this time?!

nywayz, wont complain too much, at least i dey use their interntet anyhow, do me i do u.

not like i have anything to say o, just that i am sooooooooo fine today, y'all shd see ur girl! i look like tooto (janded). my best friend is around from lag, hooked up with my friends from sec. school, i am going to have ice-cream right now and then suya at yahuza and probably chinese awuf (who cares really?! i dey jabo sef).

am out!

boyfriend issues

so, i dont have a boyfriend, its no big deal (abi? i guess).

not like i havent had before o, i have had one actual boyfriend, the rest are replicas of boyfriends or what boyfriends should be.

- the first replica was a neighbour. i absolutely refuse to call him my first boyfriend. it was a very silly thingi. in fact, i refuse to talk about it. i still see him and he hasnt grown up since then. pity!

- second was also a replica cos it lasted for like 2 months! i have an excuse sha, i just got to abuja, had no friends. was bored. so bored girl meets nice boy and so i got hooked. the nigger didnt show signs of being serious or intending to be. d boy just started being BUSY, then later, he forgot to call and then he was sick and ........... wetin i wan hear again? dat time, i dey law school, before i go waste my family's co-orp money, na im i commot jeje.

- third was an actual boyfriend. seemed like the perfect story.

met at a wedding i didnt wanna go. nice cute uniformed boy (as in Soldier o), well -mannered and to cap it all, my namesake! how sweet can it be. bobo talked marriage, to cut it short, bobo took me home sef! how was i sposed to know bobo was a bloody time-waster? to cut it short, bobo was more interested in keeping the peace of nigeria more than he needed a rel. with me. who was i to compete with such magnanimous task?!

nwayz, bobo has been the last real rel or man in my life. operating word being "real". there has been others to fill in my time but i cant call them boyfriend.

right now, i have a male figure (lets refer to him as MF) in my life. has anyone read Kemi's Journal? bidemi sanusi must have had me in mind when she wrote the book cos its a very similar thing going on with me.

MF is nice, very tall, brilliant, very annoying (takes pleasure in doing that) etc but not a xtian! dont wanna discuss it.

fortunately or unfortunately (not sure now), i have been reading "he's just not that into you" by Greg something and Liz somebody. i hate and love the Greg guy all at the same time!

following the book should make me leave MF like a bad habit. my pastor also must not know i deal with boys like MF, am sposed to be a worker fa!

nwayz, i havent sent him off cos rite now, i feel very weak and loney plus MF is sooooo tall and cute (as if dats all there is to life). i have a feeling that i may not be wise until a near disaster happens and boy, dat will be gangsta!

unfortunately i practically have no life other than my work at the mo. i am even here most saturdays! how da hell am i sposed to get a boyfriend?! my colleague, male, has been telling me to find a way of not coming to work on sats cos he doesnt see how i will get a bobo that way. yeah right, like say na im go pay my salary or employ me if dem chase me commot!

but i also know that i have to leave MF if i want a real man. instead, i keep doing kwanangida in MF's house (ok, i have stopped that now)!

relating to the kwanangida gist:

one day (think the last) wey i go do kwanangida, something near disaster happened, thats why i had to stop the whole kwanangida thingi.

as we left MF's house, na im we run into his 2 former Ogas who are my Ogas brothers in the profession (u know how it is with lawyers)! both of them know me. one of them is a lesser threat cos he already knew bout us (we are sposed to be an item) but the 2nd one, ah, i wasnt prepared for the shock o!

yeah, am an adult and i shouldnt care about what pipo say or think abi? not exactly o, i still care to an extent hence the slight embarrasment. at the gate we met yet another lawyer who is close to my Oga!

that was my warning cos 3 of my colleagues, including Oga Patapata's family live in the same estate with MF! eti mi melo (pulled my 2 ears) and suspended kwanangida SINE DINE!

back to MF and I: its a really complicated thingi jare. join me in praying that i become wise! amin o!

Desperate Measures!

I work in a firm where my Oga (meaning Boss) and my folks know each other, so its almost a family thingi. but i digress, thats not the point of this blog, its blog for another day. i just had to give an intro so u can kapish.

i dont have a boyfriend (pls note, i have male figures in my life, just wont call them boyfriends, i digress tho) and everyone around me knows and they are begining to fret on my behalf, naturally. even i am begining to fret, cos suddenly am 26! and 26 is scaringly 4 yrs close to 30!

anyway, i just did not think the fret should include my Oga Patapata! see me o! the man likes match making a lot, in fact, i think he should start a matchmaking firm so he can retire fully into that. the first time he tried it, it was with his son's friend. fine boy, omo baba olowo (rich man's son) and has prospects (so we all think). i thot it was very funny until i knew later that he was serious bout it!! am i for sale or what!

anyway, he tried another lawyer boy (behind my back) and thank God it failed cos
1. i dont want to end up with a fellow lawyer, variety is the spice of life.
2. i do not like the boy's mouth (forgive me God) but truly, i will have to blindfold myself to kiss him!
3. uhhhhh........ i just dont want him!!!!!!!!!

ok. so recently. Oga 2 (who is oga patapata's wife and the MP of the firm) was advising me to marry too. those folks think i dont want to marry! i soooooooo wanna marry but i aint exactly gonna pick up a dude by the street now, abi?!
so she was talking bout her cousin (we are almost usually cousins in Nigeria, even if we just share the same LG) who is in Atlanta or somewia equally far away and that he is coming home and we should meet, blah duh, blah...........love accross the oceans, emi ke?!

anyway, there comes this youngman who bursts into the office today, chewing gum and wearing a big belt (it was big, for me to have noticed it) and storms into Oga's office like na im papa office and Oga actually stood up to greet him and was nice to him! so i knew the nigga must be special. i have this sneaky little feeling it might be Mr. Fix Me Up (he has no name yet).
i guess it just might be him and i cant help laffing! my matter reach like that?!

this is my second post today, i think the blog thing is shacking me o! o n se mi gish gish (sorry, translation not available).

so u r wondering why i dont have a boyfriend abi? hmmm (deep sigh), na long tory.......
next btlog

Toilet Issues

For about 2 or 3 months now, we have had toilet issues in the office (hence the topic). the facility managers locked up all the toilets in the whole building (yes they did), a building that has about 50 offices! there reason: some people havent paid water bills (i dont believe them jare) and so we are all going to suffer till whenever!

anyway, i dont have to tell u the hardship this has caused. for one, this is abuja, central area, there is no bush to do ur private biz. the other offices around us i.e Human Virology and FCMB that CANNOT have toilet issues have since chased us from using their toilets. u have to see skilling in the art of toileting, anywhere we go, courts, banks etc, we have to pee, in fact, we are duty bound to pee (or do No. 2, as applicable) before going back to the office. the other chics in the block, very toosh chics with toosh cars, i wonder where they go, home? i wonder cos i know d ting go dey catch dem too!

today, the thing just caught me suddenly (No. 2 that is) and i had to go look for a toilet fast. Zenith bank just opened a branch next to us and we have accounts there (pls dont ask me how much i have there, its zero naira) so sometimes in go under the guise of transaction or something. today, our account officer wasnt there and so i had to act. u should see urs truly forming professional levels! i was blowing big grammar to ask stupid ATM questions and to inquire about children acct on behalf of my colleague (who send me msg, i wonder o!), of cos i quickly let the guy know that it wasnt my kids acct, i have no kid (he just might be single u know!)
funny thing is, all the acting and forming and inquiry was for just one purpose: to go and shit!!!!! (sorry for being so blunt). as i was forming, the thing was threatening to come down by force. i professionally excused myself and requested for the bathroom, i pray the man didnt know how much time i spent in there cos i took my time well well! very very toooooooooosh toilet, like the one in my house (ok, not exactly).

i dey imagine how dem go take pursue us from dat last place of solace, i.e, Zenith Bank! may that day never come b4 the idiots find an alternative to our toilet issues.

Boredom

I have no idea what it is am doing on the net this early. am supposed to be doing some research or lawyer work of some sort. yeah right, you wish! sometimes i get the kicks out of being a lawyer and sometimes i wonder what i am doing there. Court could be so funny. the rituals of bowing for the court, observing "absolute" decorum, the whole wig and gown affair..... its amusing. i secretly imagine me yelling at the Judge one day, just to spice things up. but even i know, that in my deepest and madest state of mind, dem no born my father, it still remains at best, an imagination.

just got in from court, it was ok, not so boring but i wish we had taken much time, i am sooooooo bored and wonder what i will be doing for the whole of today. i have no intention of doing anything serious. i just want to go hom and sleep. i doubt if i am cut for work and i doubt if i am cut out for marrying Dangote or his likes and so i guess i have to be cut for work.